Turn and Turn Again
by itinerarymango
Summary: Something a little different. It's hard to summarize, but I hope you like it.
1. Chapter 1

Her blonde hair was plastered to her forehead, a product of the constant drizzle that seemed to accompany life in Seattle. She watched as Derek carefully buckled the car seat into the car. His face was stony. No emotion showed in his features as he attempted to get the car seat fastened properly. She continued to watch as he loaded the two small suitcases into the back of the SUV, his face not swaying from the front of indifference. When he had finally turned to face her, she walked up the stairs, calling loudly into the house, "come on daddy's ready to go."

The sounds of light footsteps echoed through the house before two young boys arrived at the door. She reached down to hug the older boy and then picked up the toddler, pulling him against her in a tight hug.

Derek stepped forward, pulling the toddler from her arms and walking toward his SUV. The older boy followed and crawled into his booster seat as Derek buckled the toddler into his seat. He stepped away from the car and turned to face Meredith.

"So you're going to bring them back next Friday at 6?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Derek said pointedly.

"You'll call if you're running late or something?" she questioned.

"Yeah," he replied as he turned away from her slightly.

"I'll just say goodbye one more time," she said motioning toward the car.

She moved forward peering in at the boys.

"I love you Christopher, I'll see you next week," she directed to the older boy, then turned her attention to the toddler, "and I love you too, Jakey."

She shut the door and watched as Derek pulled away toward the house in the woods. When the car had disappeared from sight, the tears finally began to fall.

Christina arrived exactly 15 minutes after Derek had gone, with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a pizza in the other. She set the pizza on the coffee table and fell to the couch next to Meredith. Opening the bottle, she took a swig before silently handing it to Meredith. Meredith accepted it graciously taking a long sip before turning to face Christina.

"So. McAss has the McDemons for 10 days?" Christina started.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed.

"First time since you started this trial separation thingy," Christina noted.

"Yup," Meredith replied, taking another drag of tequila.

"So, how is it going? The separation thingy, I mean?" Christina asked.

"I don't know. He seems to be completely indifferent to the whole thing. I still love him, but something happened between us. There is some kind of a roadblock there," Meredith answered.

"You have no idea what caused it?" Christina asked, picking up a slice of pizza and taking a bite.

"It's been going on for months," Meredith noted.

"Ever since…" Christina trailed off.

"Yeah," Meredith replied, immediately jumping back into the memory.

_Meredith knew as soon as she saw Derek that something had happened. She walked up to him, and placed her hand on his back. He jumped under her touch and immediately spun around to face her._

"_Hey, what's wrong?" she asked him._

"_Uhh…nothing," he said, "at least I think it's nothing…I…I don't know."_

_He ran his hand through his hair, a sure sign that something was on his mind before turning and walking the opposite direction._

_It was later that day that Meredith stumbled across the cause of Derek's discomfort. When she walked into the patient's room, her head was buried in the chart. She noted the name of the little girl, Ainsley Martin, before closing the chart and looking up. When her eyes fell on the little girl she gasped. Her blue eyes were so familiar. She saw those eyes every day. Those eyes stared back at her when she woke to Derek watching her sleep, and they shined bright in the faces of her boys. She stood still, her face frozen in a state of shock as her eyes roamed the girl's features. Her hair fell in dark ringlets down her back and her lips formed a perfect smirk. She didn't even realize how long she had been standing there until Arizona called her name._

"_Grey?" she questioned._

"_Uhh…I…ah…I need to go," Meredith mumbled before running out the door._

_She didn't know she was going there until she had arrived. She paused momentarily to catch her breath and her eyes ran over the words written next to the door: Derek Shepherd M.D. Neurology. She finally composed herself enough to knock and heard a muffled "come in" from inside. She opened the door and walked in before quickly closing it behind her._

"_Hey," she said quietly._

"_Hey," he replied his tired eyes finding hers._

_She moved forward slightly, trying to figure out what she wanted to say._

"_So, earlier, something was bothering you," she prompted, deciding she was going to try to get it out of him._

_He sat quietly watching her as she absentmindedly toyed with the ring on her finger._

"_Did you know I switched with Christina today? I moved to Robbins service," she noted trying again to prompt him to speak. _

_Derek sat up a little straighter, obviously uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken._

"_Derek," she said desperate for him to say something, anything._

"_You saw her didn't you?" he finally said, his head dropping ever so slightly._

"_Yeah," she replied._

"_I don't know if she's mine. I know you were thinking it too," he said._

"_Could she be…yours I mean?" she asked, moving closer to him._

"_After I left New York, there were a couple of one-night stands," he offered, his hand moving up to squeeze the bridge of his nose._

"_Before you met me," she added in seeming indifference, but her voice betrayed her fear._

"_Of course. I was upset and drunk 90% of the time. They meant nothing, but her last name..." he said before Meredith cut him off._

"_Martin," she said, remembering the name on the chart._

"_There was this one girl. I can't be sure, the memories foggy, but I think her last name was Martin. And that girl, she looks so much like me," Derek sighed._

"_I guess we have some things to figure out," Meredith said closing the distance between them and pulling his hands away from his face._

_He looked up at her, more fear in his eyes than she had seen in a while. _


	2. Chapter 2

I am so glad that I got so much positive feedback. I have a few things to address:

1. I am having a really hard time coming up with a title for this fic. If you have any ideas feel free to put them in the reviews and if I use it or am inspired by it, I'll credit you in an AN later.

2. I am not afraid of negative feedback, and if something in my stories seems off or if you have a question feel free to let me know and I will answer them if I feel it necessary.

3. To greysaddiction who wrote "I really hate these kinds of stories. Always having Derek as the jerk. I'm sure he would have used protection. After all the years with Addison and no baby. One time and bingo." I'm glad you brought it up because I wasn't really planning on addressing it in the story, but if you thought it I'm sure someone else did. First off, I was under the impression that Derek and Addison were actively trying to keep from having a baby. I also agree with you, I think Derek would have used protection, drunk or not. However, condoms break or fail to work and if a woman has been taking certain types of antibiotics or forgot to take her contraceptives, she won't be protected either. Basically accidents happen, we see them all the time with unplanned pregnancies.

Now for continuation of the story…

Derek drove off the ferry and made his way up the long drive to the house. He pulled up to thefront and sat momentarily letting the car idle as he took a breath. Plastering a smile to his face, he finally turned the key, silence enveloping the car as the engine shut off. He slid from his seat and moved to Jake's side of the car, unbuckling the toddler from the car seat. Christopher unbuckled himself and Derek lead the boys into the house.

"Daddy! Can I go see my new room?" Christopher begged, visibly shaking with excitement.

Derek swallowed before smiling and leading the boy up the stairs to his room.

When he imagined this house, he had always imagined it as "their" house. Her absence as they looked around the house they had decorated together only furthered the empty feeling of the house. He opened the door and Christopher ran in looking from thing to thing with his eyes wide with wonder. Derek swallowed again as he took in the room. He couldn't remember who had decided on the vintage car theme, but the room had turned out amazing. The walls were a deep red color as Meredith had insisted that blue was over-used causing Derek to suggest the red. Cars littered the shelves that had been hung on the walls and street signs and license plates covered one wall from floor to ceiling. The coolest feature however was the vintage truck that Derek had custom made into a bed. The bed of the truck had been fitted with a mattress, and the cab still functioned as a play-place for the boys. Although it was the coolest feature of the room, the bed also served as a further reminder of the current state of his relationship. The bed was supposed to be a surprise. He had hoped to reveal it to Meredith the day they moved in, but "they" never had. Jake's fishing room held similar reminders so Derek decided to by-pass the rest of the tour and led the boys into the kitchen.

"Uncle Mark is stopping by later and were gonna make some hamburgers, but what do you want to do in the meantime?" he asked Christopher.

"Can we play with cars?" Christopher replied.

"Yeah, Bud. Go get some from your room and we'll go play in the living room,"

Derek agreed, picking up Jake and moving toward the living room.

Several hours later, Derek made his way onto the porch with a beer in his hand and fell into a chair across from Mark.

"Are they asleep?" Mark asked when Derek had settled into the chair.

"Yeah," Derek replied, taking a drag from the bottle, then continuing, "Jake cried for Meredith, but I got him settled down."

"It's not supposed to be like this man. You and Mer aren't supposed to have problems like this," Mark replied.

"I know," Derek sighed, his fingers absentmindedly peeling at the bottle's label.

"What happened?" Mark questioned, "I didn't even know it had gotten this bad."

"I'm not exactly proud of it," Derek replied, "Sometimes I wish life wasn't so complicated."

"I assume you're referring to Ainsley?" Mark asked.

"Maybe this wouldn't have happened if she would have gone to another hospital,"

Derek said, as he drifted back into the memory.

He walked down the hallway, headed toward the one person he hoped would be able to help with this situation. He knocked on the door and waited for a reply before walking in.

"Derek, what can I do for you?" Richard said, looking up at Derek.

"I need your advice," Derek sighed, moving to the chair across from Richard's desk.

Richard pulled off his glasses and laid the paper he had been previously occupied with on the desk.

"There's this patient, a little girl," Derek started.

"If this is a treatment question, I hardly think I'm the best consult on a

Neurology case," Richard interrupted.

"No, it's something…uh…personal. I guess…long story short…I might have a daughter," Derek stuttered, "that little girl...she might be mine."

"Does Meredith know?" Richard asked his eyes wide with shock.

"Yeah...she knows there's a possibility," Derek replied, his eyes traveling down to the ring on his finger.

"So what exactly do you need my advice on?" Richard asked, suddenly remembering the reason Derek had come in.

"I need to find out, but I'm not sure I want to let the mother know. I don't really remember much from that time period aside from being in a drunken stupor most nights. If there isn't a possibility of it, I just don't think it's necessary to involve her," Derek rambled.

"Are you asking me to condone doing a secret DNA test on a minor?" Richard asked incredulously.

"I guess I am," Derek replied once again breaking eye-contact with Richard as his eyes moved downward.

"You know I can't do that. If she found out, she might sue the hospital, you could lose your job, I COULD LOSE MY JOB," he said, his voice getting louder with each word.

Derek seemed to want to say something, but sat quietly.

"However, who am I to stop Arizona from ordering a strep test, swabbing the cheek in the meantime, and if you were to maybe take the swab to the lab and have them run a DNA test, I couldn't stop you if I didn't know about it. Now could I," Richard said nonchalantly.

Derek looked up, a expression of disbelief on his face.

"Thank you Richard," he managed to croak out before getting up and walking out the door.

He made his way down the hall trying to locate Arizona. He wasn't necessarily thrilled to tell yet another person how irresponsible he had been, but he figured it was a necessary evil. He found her lurking at the nurse's station, no doubt looking for Callie. He quickly crossed to her and pulled on her arm, leading her into an empty room nearby. He explained the situation quickly before asking her for her participation.

"This was the chief's idea?" she asked, when he had finally finished talking.

"Technically yes, but not as far as anyone can know," he answered quickly, his eyes pleading with hers.

"Okay, I'll do it...but only because you're Mark's best friend and Mark is

Callie's best friend so somehow we are connected...like friends-in-law or something," she rambled.

Derek patted her arm gently.

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me right now," he said before he watched her turn and leave the room.

It wasn't until a few days later that Derek realized just what the results meant. He might have another child. A little girl who was only two years older than Christopher, and this test was it. He would know once and for all. He knew when he saw the page from Arizona that the results were in. He scoured the halls for Meredith, wanting her by his side when he found out. They then made their way to the empty conference room where Arizona and joined hands before entering.

"Hey," Arizona said, her usual cheeriness hiding any reaction she may have been having, toward the results.

"Hello," Derek returned, moving to sit across from her.

Meredith remained silent, her hand holding a vice-like grip on Derek's leg.

Arizona slid the folder in front of them and Derek glanced at Meredith before flipping the folder open. At the top of the page, was a single sentence, a sentence that would determine the rest of Meredith and Derek's life. It said: As presented to the laboratory, the DNA samples taken from Derek C. Shepherd and Ainsley R. Martin are shown to match for a positive paternal identification.

"She's mine," Derek whispered into the quiet room.


	3. Chapter 3

**A couple of things...**

**1. Big thanks to SeriouslyMcDreaming for the great title idea! I liked them all, but after reading the lyrics to that song I definitely thought it fit with the direction I'm heading. **

**2. Thanks for the reviews. They definitely inspire me to update quicker. I won't be updating as quickly as I did the last time all the time, but I will definitely try to update weekly depending on my schedule.**

**And now for the story...**

Shrill beeping cut through the fog of sleep, alerting Meredith to the new day. She reached over, slapping her hand down to make contact with the alarm clock, but her hand hit the cool wood of the bed-side table instead. Sitting up, she looked around confused, attempting to reorient herself to her surroundings. She glanced around, finally seeing the alarm clock on the opposite table, and hitting the off button. George's old room still looked much the same, aside from the pile of her clothes that sat in one corner, and the few toys that dotted the floor. It was obviously a less than ideal situation. Sleeping in the "guest room" at her own house seemed crazy, but she just couldn't seem to bring herself to sleep in "their" bed alone. She forced herself to crawl out of bed, wincing when her feet met the cold of the floor. Making her way down the hallway, she was overcome by the silence that surrounded her. On any normal morning, she would have entered the hallway and would have heard the boy's soft snores filtering through their doorways.

"Things aren't normal anymore," she sighed before making her way down the stairs.

She entered the kitchen and crossed to the coffee pot, setting it to brew before taking a seat at the kitchen table. She almost wished she didn't have the day off. Without the boys to fill up her day, it just felt pointless. She glanced around and drummed her fingers on the table, as she waited for the coffee to finish. Her eyes fell on the refrigerator where a picture Christopher had colored was hung. She sighed again, missing the boys even more. Pulling out her phone, she dialed the familiar number and listened as it rang.

"Hello?" Derek said into the phone.

"Hey, it's me," she said, suddenly extremely aware of how awkward things had become.

"Oh...hi," he repeated.

"Can I...um...talk to the boys?" she asked.

"Yeah, let me get Chris," he replied.

She heard him cover the phone with his hand and heard muffled shouting. The phone changed hands and finally she heard Christopher.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi, baby. What are you doing?" she questioned.

"I'm playing. Daddy got me a racetrack and it makes the cars go really fast and you can make them crash and Jake only likes the red car so I get the black one, but that's okay 'cause Daddy told me the black car goes faster, but he told me it's a secret so I'm not 'sposed to tell Jake," he spoke before finally pausing to take a breath.

"That's awesome buddy," she said, her eyes becoming glassy as she held back tears, "so...you're having fun?"

"Yeah, but I miss you Mommy," he said sweetly.

With that the tears began to fall, she took a shaky breath and composed herself before she finally spoke again.

"I miss you too," she managed to get out.

"I'm gonna go play now," he said, obviously bored with the conversation.

"Okay bud. I love you," she replied, "let me talk to daddy."

"I love you too mommy," she heard before the sound of the phone changing hands met her ears.

"Hello," he said when he had the phone again.

"Hey," she replied wiping the tears from her eyes, "are they being good?"

"Uh...yeah," he said awkwardly.

"So...have you heard anything from that detective?" she asked, attempting to get him to talk to her.

"No, they still can't find them," he answered shortly.

"Um...I'm sorry Derek...okay...bye," she said quickly not willing to stay on the phone with the awkwardness anymore.

"Yeah, bye," he replied.

With the click of the phone, the house became silent once again.

As soon as she read the results, Meredith's brain started to whirl. Derek's equally thoughtful face meant he was likely thinking the same thing she was, "how did this little girl fit into their lives?"

"Hey...where are you?" she said to him gently, lightly squeezing his hand in hers.

"I'm just trying to figure out what the next step is. I was so focused on the results that I didn't think about what I would do when I got them," he said quietly.

"Uh...I'm gonna leave you two alone," Arizona said awkwardly before making a hasty retreat through the door.

"You know that the boys and I will support you no matter what," she said before adding, "I guess the most logical next step would be to confront her mother and meet her."

"Yeah...but what if she has a great life without me. What if she is better off never knowing me?" he asked, his eyes racked with fear.

"I don't think that's the question you should be asking right now. I think you should be asking yourself if you'd be okay never knowing her," she said, reaching up to gently caress his face.

"This is uncharted territory. There probably isn't a right or wrong answer is there?" he asked, reaching up to lace his fingers with hers.

"Whatever you choose to do, will be the right choice for you," she answered.

Suddenly, a slight smile broke on his face.

"You know what this means right?" Derek asked.

"What?" she replied, confused by the smile on his face.

"Mark lost the bet, I can have girls. I am not genetically predisposition to have all boys to make up for the fact that I had 4 sisters," he explained.

She rolled her eyes before standing up, bringing Derek with her. They walked out the door, getting back to work.

Later that day, Derek paged Meredith to his office. When she came through the door, Derek sat at his desk, a chart in his hands.

"Hey," she said, sitting down across from him.

"Do you know why Ainsley's here?" Derek asked.

"She came in with abdominal pain, but that's all I know, I was taken off the case," she replied, settling into the chair across from him.

"She had appendicitis. Her appendix burst before Arizona could get her into surgery. They took it out and she's fine, but she's been here for 3 days. She'll be leaving soon," Derek explained.

"How do you know all that?" she asked.

"I stole her chart from the nurse's station," he answered motioning toward the chart in his hand.

She smiled slightly at Derek's revelation.

"Have you figured out what you want to do?" she asked.

"I think I have to meet her," he said, leaning back in his chair, "I mean, I can't go through life knowing I have a little girl out there that I don't know.

I don't think I could live with that."

"How are we gonna go about this?" Meredith questioned.

"I'm gonna get Arizona to facilitate a meeting with her and her mother," Derek replied.

"Okay...we're gonna do this," she said looking into his eyes.

"We're gonna do this," Derek confirmed.

That night, Derek stood outside the door to Ainsley's room. Meredith stood beside him, glancing up at him every few minutes to check his expression.

Arizona was inside the room talking to Ainsley's mother, she had been in there for a while and Derek was getting more nervous by the minute. Suddenly, the door flew open and Renee Martin stormed out. She caught sight of Derek and her facial expression turned fiery.

"What the hell are you doing?" she yelled.

"Wh...what?" Derek asked, confused by the outburst.

"She doesn't need you. You aren't her father. You're just a sperm donor," she screamed.

"Listen, I just want to meet her, get to know her. I don't plan on completely rearranging her life, I just want to be part of it, however she wants me to be,"

Derek explained.

"No, she's mine. You'll never ever meet her," she spit, before returning to the room and shutting the door firmly behind her.

They stood in silence for a moment before Meredith finally spoke.

"What are we gonna do now?" Meredith asked.

"Try again tomorrow I guess. Maybe the shock will have worn off by then," Derek sighed.

However the next morning, Arizona told Derek that Renee had signed AMA forms and left with Ainsley during the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**I wrote the last two chapters on my phone and completely forgot to put the flashbacks in italics. It should be right from now on though. Just a head's up so you aren't caught off guard, I switched up the format this time. Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned the boys ages, but they are around 4 and 2 and a half, which would make Ainsley 6.**

_His breathing became shallow. He stared at Arizona completely dumbfounded. He could feel the gentle pressure of Meredith squeezing his hand, but he found himself unable to return the gesture._

"_Derek, I'm so sorry. I tried to talk some sense into her, but she refused to listen," Arizona apologized._

_He suddenly turned to Meredith, completely ignoring Arizona. His eyes found hers, begging for her to understand the words that he was unable to utter through the lump in his throat._

"_We'll find her Derek, no matter what it takes," she told him._

_He willed his heart to slow and his breathing to regulate before attempting to speak again._

_"Okay," he croaked turning to make the short journey to his office._

_Meredith followed him, watching as he fell back onto the couch against the far wall with his head in his hands. She crossed swiftly to him, sitting beside him and beginning to rub his back in slow circles._

_"I can't believe it's over. It's like someone just ripped the floor out from under me. I just found out I had a daughter and now she's just gone," he sighed._

_"Derek, we'll find her. I promise we will, because I know you won't rest until we do," Meredith soothed._

A soft noise crept through the fog of sleep, causing Derek to slowly stir.

Opening his eyes, he was met with a dark silhouette.

"Christopher?" Derek questioned his voice husky with sleep.

"I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you?" he said, a slight quiver in his voice.

"Uh...yeah, bud," he answered, shifting over in the bed.

Chris crawled up under the comforter and snuggled in, laying on his side facing

Derek. Derek reached out a hand to rub his back, studying the young boy's face.

"What was your dream about?" Derek asked suppressing a yawn.

"I was with mommy, at home and a bad man came, but you weren't there to help us and I called for you, but you wouldn't come and he hurt mommy, just like last time," Christopher whispered.

Derek felt his breath catch in his throat and willed his voice to steady.

"Oh bud, you've had this dream before," he sighed, pulling the small boy towards him

Christopher nodded.

"No matter how far away I live, I'll always come. Your mom and I might not live together right now, but you and your mommy and your brother are the most important things in my life." Derek said quietly in Christopher's hair as he held him tight.

"Okay," Christopher responded, his body relaxing ever so slightly, letting Derek know he felt better.

Derek watched as Christopher's eyes slowly closed and his breathing evened out. He flipped over onto his back and tried to go back to sleep, but found himself staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

Meanwhile, Meredith lay on her side staring at the alarm clock, watching as the time ticked by. The later it got the more restless she became until she finally jumped up from the bed. She padded down the hall, stopping outside the door to "their" bedroom. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. She looked around taking in the familiar surroundings before moving further into the room. Moving to the dresser, she ran her hand absentmindedly across the smooth wood as she gazed at the family portrait displayed on top of it. The photo had been taken when Jacob was only 6 months old and the day had been nothing if not memorable. Derek had insisted that family portraits were a normal family activity and that they were doing it, despite Meredith's objections that they weren't exactly normal. So, Meredith and Derek had wrangled the boys into nice clothes and met the photographer at a park. Somehow, despite the multiple tantrums and distractions, they had gotten a picture. Derek held a laughing Christopher upside down as Meredith watched with a sleeping Jacob in her arms. Of course, it wasn't a family portrait that others may have wanted, but it fit them nicely. Her hand hit a snag in the wood and she smiled remembering the day that Derek had put together Christopher's crib. While trying to hold two sides together to screw them together, he had gotten too much in his hands and had accidently dropped the screw gun. The result was a large knick in the wood and a lot of cursing from Derek. Tears welled in her eyes for the second time that day and she crossed to the bed to sit down. Suddenly, a ringing phone broke her from her memories and she composed herself before answering.

"Hello?" she said softly into the phone.

"Hey," she heard equally soft from the other end.

"Derek?" she questioned, confused to hear his voice so late at night.

"Yeah…uh…sorry to call so late," he said quickly.

"I was up anyway," she replied.

"How long has Chris been having nightmares?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Umm…well he's been having the one with the bad man for a couple of weeks…before that it was you dying in a ferry crash on your way back from the house and before that it was you leaving," she answered truthfully.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice pained.

"You were uh…preoccupied with the whole Ainsley situation, I didn't want to worry you," she sighed.

Derek was silent on the other end of the phone, remembering back a few months.

"_Damn it Christopher!" Derek yelled as he juggled a phone in one hand and wiped up the spilled juice with the other. "Now I'm sorry, what were you saying?" he said into the phone._

"_I may have a lead. We found an Ainsley Martin that was enrolled in a public school in Spokane, she was withdrawn 3 months ago, but they had to send her transcripts to a school in Everett," Detective James explained._

"_So she stayed in Washington?" Derek questioned. "Jacob Tyler Shepherd, leave your brother alone," he called to Jake who was pestering Chris._

"_Should I call back at a better time?" Detective James asked._

"_No, give me a minute. Christopher Michael Shepherd, I told you to take Jake and go in the other room to play," Derek said as he ushered the boys out of his office before shutting the door._

"I didn't mean to ignore you and the boys," Derek said into the phone.

"I know you didn't mean to, but it happened," Meredith replied, "I know you want to find her Derek, I want to too, but you have two little boys that miss their dad."

"I'm sorry, I wish I could go back and change things," he sighed.

"You can't change the past, but you can make sure things are better from now on," Meredith replied.

"Mer…I…uh…I love you," he said barely more than a whisper.

"I love you too Der. I call tomorrow to talk to the boys," Meredith said.

"Yeah, bye," he replied before they both hung up.


	5. Chapter 5

It was supposed to be a normal day. She was supposed to go to work, Derek was going to bring the boys by to see her before he took them to the daycare, she would work her shift, and then she would go home. She got to work and immediately changed into her scrubs before starting rounds. She stood at the nurse's station, looking over a chart, when she suddenly felt a very small thing attach itself to her legs. Looking down, she saw Christopher and bent down to give him a hug, but as she released him, he clung to her neck and she had no choice but to pick him up. Derek, holding Jacob came up behind him scolding as he went.

"Christopher, I told you not to run. You're in a hospital," he said as he got closer.

Meredith leaned forward and planted a kiss to Jake's cheek before straightening once again. She looked at Derek and immediately felt a twinge of pain causing her to quickly avert her eyes. Chris suddenly took her attention away from the feeling as he began babbling quickly. Meredith responded as best she could to his 4-year-old's banter, before saying goodbye and watching at Derek ushered them off to daycare. It was later that day when Meredith came across Derek again. "Their" elevator was practically empty when she stepped onto it. A small group of interns occupied one corner, attempting to remain invisible and he leaned against the far wall, reading a chart intently. She stepped inside and pushed the button for the floor she was headed to before turning towards the doors. The elevator immediately sprang to life, only to stop at the next floor where the interns quickly exited. Derek finally looked up and saw the familiar blonde hair in front of him, promptly closing the chart.

"Hey," he started an almost unrecognizable pleading in his voice.

"Hey," she replied, turning to glance at him over her shoulder.

Derek took a step forward as her eyes immediately snapped back to the doors. He took another step forward and was immediately hit with the familiar scent of lavender. He longed to kiss her, touch her, any contact would satiate the feelings, being this close after weeks apart, had conjured up. He took a final step forward, hovering just behind her. She turned instinctively, not entirely sure why she was giving in to him, but then again she always had. He leaned down slightly, his lips hovering mere millimeters from hers. His hand travelled up, settling at her waist and effectively holding her against him. He reached his other hand up to hit the stop button and then carefully moved a stray hair out of her eyes.

"You're so beautiful," he said softly before finally pressing his lips to hers.

She allowed herself only a moment before pulling away. His face fell and his eyes moved down to the floor.

"Derek, it can't just go back to the way it was. It's gonna take time," she said putting a hand out, flat against his chest, "I love you, but that's not the problem. You hurt me and you hurt the boys and that isn't something I can pretend just didn't happen."

She silently reached over to release the stop button and turned to face the doors once again.

_Meredith sat at the table with Christopher and Jacob as they ate dinner. She sighed, glancing over at the empty chair that marked Derek's place at the table. The door to his office was closed and Meredith had already tried too many times to get him to the table. She sighed gazing at the boys as they ate quietly. Later that night, after getting the boys to sleep, she sat in bed with a magazine open across her lap. Derek finally emerged from his office and made his way upstairs. He entered their bedroom and crossed to the dresser, beginning to take various things out of his pocket and placing them on the dresser._

"_I just got some great news from Detective James," he said as he placed his wallet on the dresser._

"_Uh-huh," Meredith said her annoyance at his actions clearly evident in her tone._

"_Yeah, he told me that apparently even though it looks like Renee has moved Ainsley around a lot, she made sure to enroll her in school so her movements are traceable," Derek said obviously excited as he fell into the bed._

"_Huh," Meredith replied, her annoyance all the more evident._

_Derek looked at Meredith, apparently realizing she wasn't in the best of moods._

"_What's wrong with you?" Derek asked._

"_Nothing Derek, I'm fine," Meredith snapped._

"_Because you saying 'you're fine' is gonna make me stop asking," Derek scoffed._

"_I don't know Derek, maybe it's the fact that you don't seem to be a part of this family anymore," Meredith said turning to look at him with fire in her eyes._

"_What the hell are you talking about?" Derek replied jumping up from the bed._

"_The boys ask for you Derek. Jake asks where you are. Chris thinks you don't love him anymore. I have put up with it for months Derek. I tell Jake you are at work. I assure Chris you still love him. I've been the supportive wife. I listen to you get so excited because they found another lead or they are getting closer to finding her, and meanwhile you completely ignore the boys," she cried before taking a breath and continuing, "it would be one thing if it was just me. I could deal with that, but our children are suffering Derek. How are you going to be a dad to that little girl if you can't be one to the kids that are right in front of your face?"_

_Derek stood speechless. Meredith watched him, her breathing shallow and her face reddened. Derek swallowed and made a move to speak, but stopped and stood silent again. Finally he walked from the room, and Meredith rolled over and fell into an uneasy sleep._

Derek stalked into his office and fell into his chair. His hand immediately found the bridge of his nose and he began to squeeze it in an attempt to fight the steady pressure building behind his eyes.

"Very stupid Shepherd," he chastised, "way to go slow."

Suddenly a voice on the intercom broke the silence of the room.

"Dr. Shepherd, Detective James is on the phone for you, line 1," the secretary said through the speaker.

"Thank you," Derek said before pushing the button for line 1, "hello."

"Dr. Shepherd, I have some good news," the detective replied.

"Really?" Derek asked.

"We may be on the final leg of this search. Since we talked last time, I followed the trail of schools and I think I might have reached the end. I contacted a public school in Bellevue and they have Ainsley listed as a current student. She hasn't attended in about three weeks, but there have not been any transcript requests. Obviously, I thought they must not have relocated yet, so I used that school picture I got in Spokane and sent it to the police station. They distributed it to businesses, of course keeping it quiet, so we weren't alerting Renee to how close we are. Someone has seen her as recently as this week Derek," Detective James explained.

"What does that mean?" Derek asked.

"They'll serve her with papers to appear in court to establish your custody, if she doesn't show then she'll have a warrant out for her arrest," he answered.

"What if she runs again?" Derek questioned genuine worry evident in his voice.

"I'll find her again," Detective James replied.

"Okay, thank you…for the update…for everything…just…thank you," Derek said.

"No problem Dr. Shepherd," Detective James replied before hanging up the phone.

**That will more than likely be the last flashback. Everything should be focused on moving forward from now on. I'm kind of getting sick of writing separated Derek and Meredith, but I'm trying not to rush a reconciliation, so sorry if my writing is sub-par. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it greatly.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I happened to have a day off and was inspired by all the wonderful reviews, so I felt like giving you a gift. Two updates in two days, hope you like it. Just a warning…when you get to the section where Derek is making dinner and you cringe at what they're eating, know that I grew up with a dad who ate really weird stuff, so my idea of normal food is skewed. That recipe was staple meal when I was with my dad after my parents divorced because it's easy to make, so it's just a little bit of me in the story.**

When he picked the boys up from daycare that day, Derek found himself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of chatter coming from Christopher.

"Daddy, did you fix anyone's brain today?" he asked as they drove toward the house.

"Yes," he answered a smirk forming on his lips at Chris' question.

"Were they hurted bad?" he questioned his brows furrowing in obvious worry.

"Not too bad bud, I fixed them up and they'll be okay," Derek replied, glancing at Chris in the mirror.

"Oh, did mommy help you?" he asked.

Derek sighed. Chris was a smart kid, but he had yet to understand the current dynamic between his mother and father. Even though Meredith was not one to let her personal life get in the way of her advancing as a surgeon, she had been jumping into surgery with Derek less since the separation. She hardly ever went in to the OR with him during routine surgeries like the one today.

"Not today bud," Derek said sadly before quickly changing the subject, "what did you so today?"

"Umm…I colored and I played with cars and I played with Anthony and I eated lunch with Jake and I helped Mrs. Clark pass out snacks and…umm…I think that's it," he babbled.

"What about you Jakey? What did you do today?" Derek asked as he pulled the car to a stop on the ferry.

"I played toys," Jake said excited to be included in the conversation.

The conversation continued through the ferry ride and all the way to the house. When they had finally made it inside, Derek ushered the boys into the kitchen and set them up at the counter before speaking.

"Okay, what's for dinner? I'll make whatever you want?" Derek asked as he faced the boys across the counter.

"Can you make Nonna's special spaghetti?" Chris asked excitedly.

"Huh…you want breakfast spaghetti," Derek smirked, "I think that can be arranged, let's call Nonna and get her to tell us how to make it."

Derek pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled through the contacts. He quickly found his mother and putting the phone on speaker before placing it on the counter.

"Hello?" came Carolyn's voice from the phone.

"Hi Nonna," Chris practically screamed into the phone.

"Well is that Christopher Shepherd I here? No it can't be, last time I saw him he could barely talk," Carolyn said, an obvious smile in her voice.

"You saw me on my birthday Nonna," Chris replied, his face screwed up in confusion.

"Tell Nonna hi, Jake," Derek urged, looking at the little boy.

"Hi," Jake said shyly.

"Hello, Jacob," Carolyn replied, matching his quiet tone.

"Hey Ma," Derek finally greeted, "I need your help."

"What do you need Derek?"

"Christopher would like to have breakfast spaghetti for dinner, but I don't know how to make it," Derek explained as he took out a pad of paper and a pen.

"Oh, well, that's an easy one," Carolyn started, "have you got a pen?"

"Yeah," Derek answered.

"Well, you are gonna need to make some spaghetti noodles. While those are boiling, cook some bacon. You're gonna need to dice that up and beat some eggs. After the noodles are done, throw them in a skillet with the eggs and twirl them around real fast while the eggs cook. After the eggs are done, throw in the bacon and some cheese, and it's done. Nothing to it," she explained.

"Alright Ma, let me feed these boys, I'm gonna call you later with some news," Derek replied.

"Okay, bye Christopher, bye Jacob, I love you," Carolyn said.

"Bye Nonna," Christopher said loudly, followed much more quietly by Jake.

"Bye, Ma," Derek said before he hung up the phone.

"Alright, I think I can do this," Derek said before beginning to grab ingredients from the pantry.

Later, he laid in his bed, a boy on either side as he read a story. His tone was even and quiet, in an attempt to gently lull the boys to sleep. After the boy's eyes had drifted closed, and quiet snores filled the air, Derek carefully slipped from the bed and made his way down to the living room. He once again pulled out his phone and found his mother's number before settling back into the couch.

"Hello," Carolyn greeted.

"Hey Ma," Derek returned.

"Did you get the boys to bed?" Carolyn asked.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Alright then, you have news? Have you finally come to your senses and begged Meredith to take you back?" she asked her tone less than happy, expressing her thoughts on his current predicament.

"No, I'm still working on that one, but the detective found Ainsley," he explained.

He sat in silence for a minute, allowing her to process what he had just said.

"Are you for sure this time?" she asked.

"Yes, a local business owner spotted her, they're gonna serve the papers soon," he said, a slight smile coming to his face.

"I…I can't believe it…I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up," she started, "they found her, it's a miracle."

"It really is," he agreed, a smile forming on his face.

"I assume you still haven't told the boys about her," she said knowingly.

"Ma," he sighed, "I really want to, I just don't know how. I want them to be able to meet her and see her before I explain this to them. I'm not exactly proud of my behavior back then."

"Back then?" she scoffed.

"I know Ma. I'm making changes, I'm gonna get my family back," he said, a slight glimmer of hope evident in his voice.

"I hope so Derek, you are not you without Meredith," she sighed.

They finished their conversation quickly after that and hung up the phone. He knew he had one more phone call to make, but courage to make it did not come quite so readily. Finally, he took a deep breath and pushed the call button, waiting for the familiar voice on the other line.

"Hello," she greeted quietly, "I figured you would call."

"I…ah…I need to tell you something," he said lamely.

"Derek, I'm sorry about the elevator…I just…I'm not ready for all of that yet…" she started but he cut her off.

"No, it's not about that, I get it. I know I screwed up, but I got some news about Ainsley and I just felt like I needed to share it with you," he explained quickly.

"Oh," she replied.

"Detective James called me. They found Ainsley and Renee. They're gonna serve her with papers," he recounted yet again.

"Oh Derek, I'm so happy for you. I know you wanted this so bad," she said.

"Yeah, it's pretty great, but I feel like now that I have her and I don't have you my family still isn't complete," he sighed.

"Derek, just keep doing better. That's all I can tell you. I just need you to show me the man I knew before," she said, her voice softening.

"Okay," he replied.

**Alright, there you go Derek is coming back to them. I'm getting more and more excited to write this story. As always thank you for reading and reviewing.**


	7. Chapter 7

Renee Martin pulled up outside the apartment building where she lived and got out of the car. She opened the door and Ainsley jumped out, quickly running down the side-walk toward their front door. Renee glanced around and immediately spotted the police car parked a few feet away. She noted that it was empty before shrugging and following Ainsley's path toward their front door. She turned onto the pathway off which their apartment was located, and gasped. Outside her door stood two uniformed police officers and a man in a suit. The man in the suit saw her and his eyes showed recognition before he moved toward her.

"Ms. Martin, I think you should have the young lady go inside," he said calmly stopping just short of where she stood.

She crossed to the door, unlocking it and ushering Ainsley inside before quickly closing it behind her.

"What is this about?" she asked , when she was sure the door was closed.

"My name is Detective James," he began to explain as he held out a large envelope to her, "these are from the Allister and Hayes Law Firm, concerning the parental rights of Derek Christopher Shepherd as they pertain to Ainsley Rae Martin. You're going to need to either contact them or get your own attorney."

With that, Detective James and the two police officers left Renee standing shocked outside her door.

/

Derek made his way into the laundry room with a basket of laundry in one arm and a screaming Jake in the other.

"Come on buddy, I got to wash it. You got syrup on it," Derek pleaded taking a ratty blue blanket from the pile of clothes and shoving it in the washing machine.

He threw in more things before pouring in some detergent and slamming the door shut. Jake's scream only intensified with the start of the cycle.

"Jacob, what's wrong? This can't be about that ratty old blanket," Derek said as he once again pulled the small boy into his arms.

"I want my kiki," he cried, as his loud wail slowly quieted to a sniffle against his father's chest.

"Your kiki will be out of the washer in a little while. You will have it by the time you take a nap, is it a deal?" Derek asked standing the boy back up and holding his hand out pinky stretched toward Jake.

Jake small pinky wrapped awkwardly around his father's larger one and with one last hiccup he nodded.

"Alright, go find Christopher and we'll go outside and play," he said lightly pushing him out the door.

His phone began to ring and he groaned, assuming it was the hospital calling him in to ruin his day off. He grabbed the phone off the kitchen counter where he had left it, and pushed the button.

"Hello?" he said gruffly into it.

"Hello? Dr. Shepherd? Is this a bad time?" he heard Detective James say across the line.

"No I was just about to take the boys outside, but I have a couple minutes," he replied.

"Alright then, I'll talk fast. I just wanted to give you a quick update. I personally went with the police to serve the custody papers, so now it's just a matter of waiting a few weeks for the court date," Detective James explained quickly.

"That's great. Thank you. I really appreciate your involvement," Derek said sincerely.

"No problem. This is one case I'd like to see from start to finish," Detective James returned.

"Oh...here come the boys, sorry but I have to run," Derek said when he saw the boys enter the kitchen.

"I understand. Goodbye Dr. Shepherd," Detective James replied before hanging up the phone.

Derek followed the boys outside, watching as they ran toward the playground he had had built in the back yard. He smiled watching the boys move from one thing to another always in constant motion, however he couldn't get over a nagging feeling in his mind. Their lives were about to drastically change and they were completely unaware of any of it. He pulled out his phone and once again dialed the familiar number.

"Hello Dr. Shepherd," he heard Lexie's optimistic voice through the phone.

"Hey?" he said his confusion evident.

"Oh, your probably wondering why I'm answering Meredith's phone. She can't talk on the phone right now. Actually I guess she could technically talk on the phone, but she can't really answer it. Her hands are in a patient's brain. Well actually not in his brain, but she's working in his brain..." she rambled.

"Lexie!" he shouted and heard a similar exclamation from Meredith muffled in the background.

"Just tell him I'm just about done and I'll call him after I talk to the family," Meredith called to Lexie.

Lexie began to repeat what she said, but Derek cut her off.

"I heard Lexie, bye," Derek said before hanging up.

It was only half an hour later that Derek's phone began to ring in his pocket. He quickly retrieved it from his pocket and answered it, placing the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked as he reached out to steady Jacob who was climbing the stairs on wobbly toddler legs.

"Hey you called?" Meredith asked.

"Uhhh...yeah...hold on a sec," he replied.

He helped Jake up the rest of the steps and followed him into the theater room where Chris was already searching through the DVD collection excitedly. Derek set up the movie and told the boys he would be right back before stepping out of the room.

"Hey, sorry about that I had to get the boys settled," he said.

"That's okay. Did you need something earlier?" she asked.

"Yeah...errr...what time do you get off today?" he questioned awkwardly.

"Ummm...early...around 5:30 unless something comes up," she answered.

"Okay...ummm...good...do you want to come over for dinner with me and the boys?" he questioned, trying in vain to calm his shaky nerves.

"I don't know Derek," she sighed.

"It's not what you think. I think I'm ready to tell the boys about Ainsley and I was just kind of hoping you could be there. This is our family, the boys are gonna need you there. I need you there, I don't know if I could do it without you.," Derek said, a vulnerability he rarely showed shining through.

"Okay, I'll come over," she finally relented.

"See you tonight, just call me if you're running late or something," he replied then added quickly before hanging up the phone, "I love you Mer."

/

Meredith stared at the phone for a moment before depositing it in her pocket. She leaned against the nursing station so deep in thought that she didn't notice Christina walking up to her.

"Woah, what's with the spacey look on your face?" she scoffed moving to lean next to her.

"I just got off the phone with Derek," Meredith sighed.

"Is he being a McAss again?" Christina asked, the slightest bit of concern peeking out of her rough exterior.

"No, it's not that. He called to ask me to come over for dinner," she explained.

"Oh…are you going?" Christina questioned, trying to mask the confusion over the situation.

"I told him I would," Meredith answered tentatively, concerned with Christina's possible reaction.

"Oh," Christina snarked sarcastically.

"Christina, he's trying to make things right. He's finally going to tell the boys about Ainsley and he wants me there because it concerns our family," Meredith pleaded with her.

"I just don't want to see you hurt by him, yet again," Christina said harshly.

"I know, but I have to try. My boys deserve a happy family," Meredith sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

**The model for Christopher came from my 2-year-old son Jude/my 6-year-old niece, but obviously I can't really write from a 4-year-old's perspective, so…I tried.**

When she pulled up the big house in the woods, she couldn't believe she was there. She shut off the engine and stared at the darkened exterior of the house while she tried to calm the nervousness building in the pit of her stomach. She finally got out of the car and made her way to the front doors, knocking lightly on the heavy wood. She was there when Derek had picked out the Mahogany double doors for the entrance of the house. He had said he picked these particular doors because they went well with the look of the house, but Meredith thought it was probably because Chris had thrown a fit when they were shopping. They had been looking at various home décor all day and by the time they had there, Chris was completely done and primed for a meltdown. The door finally opened after what seemed like an eternity and Derek stood on the other side in a red sweater over a white button-up and a dark pair of jeans. She had to admit, he looked good, really good. He ushered her in and led her to the kitchen where she could smell something amazing cooking. He moved to the oven and pulled open the door, grabbing a sheet pan from the oven. Meredith smirked at the sight she saw.

"Pizza?" Meredith asked with a smug look on her face.

"Give me a break, the boys picked the meal and I figured making it was better than ordering it. We also have salad, so not completely unhealthy," he smirked while laying the pan on the counter.

"Where are the boys?" she asked suddenly aware that they were nowhere to be found.

"Playroom," Derek answered before crossing to a room off the kitchen and calling into it, "Christopher…Jacob…mommy's here."

The sound of footsteps echoed into the kitchen and Meredith suddenly found herself bombarded by little boys. She picked up Jacob and hugged Christopher tight to her before finally speaking.

"I missed you," she said to each boy.

"Mommy," Christopher called trying to get her attention, "we made pizza for you."

"I see that buddy," she replied to the overly excited 4 year old.

"Time to eat," Derek said directing them to the table in the kitchen.

They sat down and silence enveloped the table as they began to eat their food. After everyone was finished Derek spoke.

"Let's leave this and go into the living room," he suggested motioning toward the plates.

"Yeah, let's go in the living room boys," Meredith agreed, shooting Derek a knowing look.

Chris grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the living room, waiting for her to sit down and then crawling up to sit next to her. Derek followed carrying Jake and sat down next to them with the toddler in his lap.

"Daddy took Jakey's kiki away," Christopher said suddenly into the silent room.

"Really? You're gonna tell on me bud?" Derek chuckled.

"He gived it back," Chris explained glancing at Derek.

"Okay boys, Daddy and I have something we need to talk to you about," Meredith said looking at Derek expectantly.

"Uhhh…well…umm…you know how you two are brothers" Derek stuttered caught off guard by Meredith prompting.

Christopher nodded and looked at Derek with curiosity in his eyes.

"Okay…and you know how Mommy and Daddy have sisters," Derek continued.

Christopher once again nodded.

"Well, you have a sister too," Derek said, trying to instill some excitement in his voice despite his nerves.

"Where is she?" Christopher asked simply, no emotion showing on his young face.

"Ummm…" Derek was once again caught off guard as he had expected a long line of questions from the curious 4 year old.

"She has a different Mommy, and that's who she lives with," Meredith fielded the question.

"Oh…but…ummm…what's her name? And…ummm…can we see her? Is she nice? Do I have to share my toys?...Is she little like Jakey or big like me?" Christopher suddenly began to fire off questions faster than Derek or Meredith could process them.

"Her name is Ainsley and she's even bigger than you, she's 6 years old," Derek answered then paused to recall another question.

"I'm sure she is very nice and you might have to share some of your toys, but Daddy will probably buy her some of her own too," Meredith jumped in when Derek seemed to be struggling.

"Are we gonna see her?" Christopher repeated looking from one parent to the other.

"Bud, hopefully someday soon, but I really don't know right now. I'm trying to work things out with her mom right now so that we can," Derek sighed.

"Okay," Christopher replied before changing the subject, "is Mommy gonna stay and help put us in bed?"

"I don't th…" Meredith started to say.

"Of course, if you want Mommy to help tuck you in she can," Derek cut her off, shooting her a knowing look.

"Thank you," she mouthed back to him, once again pulling Christopher into her arms.

Derek leaned over to grab the remote and turned on the television, settling back into the couch. They watched cartoons until Jake let out a yawn and Derek suggested it was bath time. They worked in tandem, getting both boys bathed and in bed quickly. Meredith walked out of Christopher's room and met Derek in the hall. She tried to stifle a yawn, but Derek saw it despite her efforts to hide it, and a look of concern twisted his features.

"You shouldn't be driving if you're that tired," he whispered aware that there were two little boys trying to sleep near.

"I have to go home Derek," Meredith replied.

"You don't have to," he said.

"Derek..." she began and trailed off, the words she hadn't spoken sounding loud and clear.

"There's a guest room down the hall. I wasn't suggesting you stay with me, I just don't want you getting hurt on your way home," Derek said quickly motioning to a door a ways down.

Meredith chewed on her lip weighing her options. The idea of staying in this house with Derek brought up conflicting emotions in her. One part of her screamed to stay and take advantage of his invitation, while the other part refused to let the walls she had but up against him down.

"Okay," she finally relented.

She made her way to the bedroom and walked inside while Derek walked in the opposite direction toward his room. He grabbed a clean pair of his boxers and an old shirt before making his way to the room Meredith was in. She was sitting down on the bed taking off her shoes when he came in and leaned against the doorway.

"Hey, I brought you some clothes," he explained holding them out in front of him.

She accepted them graciously and Derek turned back in route to the master bedroom. Meredith changed into the clothes and crawled into the bed, willing herself to sleep, but try as she might she couldn't drift off. She found her mind wandering to Derek in the other room. Her mind buzzed with questions like: was he asleep and was he thinking about her like she was thinking of him? After lying awake in the dark for half an hour, she pulled herself from the bed. Her feet hit the cold wooden floor and she immediately began moving toward the master bedroom. When she reached the door, it was closed so she knocked lightly on it. The sound of footsteps was followed by the sound of the door opening and suddenly she was face-to-face with Derek.

**Why yes that is a cliff-hanger. I have the next chapter already written, so I could possibly be persuaded to post early.**


	9. Chapter 9

**That is the most reviews I've gotten for any one chapter. I was definitely persuaded to post early because of that, so you get two in one day. I changed Joe's bar a little bit in this chapter. I got this idea that it could be a kind of restaurant type thing during the day and then turned into a bar at night. So when I talk about it, think about those dive bars where people gather not only for drinks but for food. And I randomly decided to give Lexie and Mark a daughter because it seemed to fit, they aren't married though. Oh and just in case you're wondering, we are in day 8 of 10 in Derek's visitation.**

Derek stood in front of her bare-chested in flannel pajama pants. She bit her lip trying to figure out something to say, but came up empty handed. It was him that finally broke the silence.

"Do you...uhhh...need something?" he asked running a hand through his slightly disheveled hair.

"No...ummm...I...uhhh...couldn't sleep," she said quietly.

They stood there in silence again, neither one knowing what to do before Derek broke the silence once again.

"Do you want to come in?" he said motioning toward the room behind him. Meredith once again bit her lip and simply nodded, following him into the room. She sat down on the bed, running her hand along the indigo bed sheets.

"Why can't you sleep? Is the bed uncomfortable?" Derek asked from his spot leaning on the dresser.

"No," she took a deep breath before continuing, "Honestly, I couldn't sleep knowing you were in the same house, but not holding me."

He stood there in shock, worried that if he moved or said something she would take it back.

"I only suggested the guest room because I wanted you to be comfortable. I would give anything to hold you in my arms while I slept, like before," he finally replied.

"I'm not sure how to quit you," Meredith said suddenly, speaking the words she had been hiding for a while.

Derek face twisted into a cocky smirk. Meredith rolled her eyes and grabbed a pillow tossing it at him.

"I'm pouring my heart out and you still can't control your ego," Meredith scoffed playfully.

"What can I say? It comes naturally," he said as his smile widened.

He moved toward her, pulling up the comforter with one hand and motioning for her to get under the covers. She slipped over to the opposite side and he crawled in behind her, pulling her against him. He lay there until he heard her breathing even out and the familiar snore fill the air before he finally fell into an easy sleep.

The sun filtering through the window alerted Derek to the new day and he began to slowly stir. His arms automatically reached forward grasping for a warm body, but came up empty in their search. His eyes shot open and looked around the room desperately.

"Mer?" he called out into the silent room, but was met with only silence.

He feared for a moment that the breakthrough they had made last night had simply been a cruel trick contrived by his overly tired brain, but then he saw them.

The clothes he had given her last night were thrown in a wrinkled pile on the bed, tangible proof that she had been there. A piece of paper sat next to them, one corner weighed down by the pile of clothes. He grabbed the paper with shaky hands and pulled it free before beginning to read.

Derek,

I didn't want the boys to wake up and see me in bed with you. They are confused enough as it is without us being here in this grey area between together and apart. I love you. That fact never changed, but you changed and I just couldn't change with you. Last night for the first time in a long time, I saw the man that I married. I don't think I'll ever forget what happened, but I have forgiven you. I love you with all my heart.

Meredith

Derek's eyes welled up with tears, but he held them back as the sounds of Christopher running down the hall crept into the room. He took a deep breath and shoved the letter into the drawer just as Christopher crawled onto the bed. He stood up and gave Derek a smirk before beginning to jump up and down. Derek grabbed his hand and pulled him into his lap. Christopher giggled loudly, his head flying back as Derek tickled his side. As Chris calmed down, Derek repositioned him so that he was sitting in his lap facing him.

"Do you have to go to work today?" Chris asked his tiny arms crossing over his chest.

"Yes," Derek replied, mimicking Chris' gesture.

"Oh…" Chris said, his face falling slightly.

"But…I don't have to be there until later," Derek added quickly.

"Can we go to Mr. Joe's before you take us to daycare?" he asked, looking up at Derek, his eyes pleading.

"I don't see why not. We have to go get Jake up though," Derek agreed.

Christopher was off the bed without another word. He ran to Jake's room and climbed onto the hull of the boat that served as his bed. Chris easily bypassed the safety rails that had been installed to keep Jake from rolling off the bed and began jumping up and down aggressively. Derek was quickly at the side of the bed pulling him off and setting him on the ground.

"Christopher Michael, you know better than that," he scolded, leaning down to pick up his other startled child. "Hey, Jakey, are you ready to get up?" he asked softly, his hand rubbing Jake's back soothingly as he planted a kiss to his forehead.

Jake nodded and then buried his face further into his father's neck, obviously still half asleep. Derek dressed the boys and then himself before they made their way to the car and headed toward Joe's. When he pulled up outside Joe's, he noticed a familiar car parked outside. Mark's Mercedes was parked off to one side of the parking area and on a more thorough investigation he found Mark's form spread out in the back seat.

"Why is Uncle Mark sleepin' in his car?" Chris asked, standing on his tip-toes to peer in through the window.

"I'm not sure," Derek replied, reaching up to tap on the window.

Mark jumped awake peering through squinted eyes at them through the window. He leaned up and grasped for the door handle finally connecting and opening the door.

"Why are you sleepin' in your car?" Chris immediately asked, fixing Mark with the sternest look his four-year-old self could manage.

"Ummm…I'm not really sure," Mark replied as he fell from the car and straightened himself.

"Uhhh…we're gonna go inside for some breakfast, come on I'll buy you something to help with that ummm…problem you're having," he said smirking at the hangover he knew Mark was no doubt battling.

Derek turned and headed toward Joe's with Jacob on his hip. Christopher grabbed Mark's hand and dragged him half-stumbling behind him. Joe looked up from behind the counter and let out a chuckle at the sight he saw.

"Back so soon Sloan?" he called to the foursome as they filed into a booth.

"What happened last night Joe?" he called back, putting his throbbing head in his hands.

Joe moved to the table pulling an order pad out of his belt.

"You and Hunt decided to drink every time Avery apologized for something he said about Lexie yesterday and after he got drunk he started saying it about every 10 minutes, so you both ended up wasted," Joe explained.

Derek let out a laugh as Mark shook his head.

"Okay, but why did I sleep in my car?" he asked, rubbing his hand along his stiff neck.

"Oh, that's a funny story. I called Lexie and Christina when you and Hunt decided you were going to throw darts at the ceiling," he said pointing to a portion of the bar where 3 darts were hanging, "Christina came and dragged Hunt out, but by the time Lexie had gotten Callie up to sit with Kennedy while she ran up here, you were fighting with Alex. She tried to get you to calm down, but you weren't having it so I got some random intern to help throw you in your car and she decided to leave you here because she didn't want to drag you home and have you around your 2 year old daughter."

"Oh great, I gotta call Lexie," he sighed getting up and pulling his cell phone out his pocket as he moved away from the table.

"What do you want to eat?" Joe asked as he leaned down to set the ordering pad on the table.

"Pancakes," Chris said excitedly.

"Apparently, he'll have pancakes. Bring me scrambled eggs and oatmeal and bring Mark his usual hangover special," Derek listed as Joe jotted things on the paper.

"What about little man?" Joe asked motioning toward Jake.

"Chris and I will share with him," Derek answered, smirking at the look Chris shot him at having to share.

Joe walked off and Chris looked over at Derek thoughtfully.

"Daddy do you 'member when we would get Mommy from the hospital and eat here?" Chris asked.

"Yeah buddy," Derek replied sadly.

"I wish Mommy was here now," Chris added with sigh.

"So do I," Derek agreed, his hand moving to his pocket to run over the note he had hidden there.

**I once again reached into my own personal experience for this chapter. Derek and the boys relationship is largely based on my husband's relationship with Jude, who I mentioned last chapter, and our other little one Riley, who is 8 months old. Because of that, many of the things you read are actual moments that occurred between my husband and sons. That arms crossed thing happened last weekend. I almost fell off the bed I was laughing so hard. Their conversation was obviously different, but you get the point. Please review it inspires me.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Uggh! Sick kids plus husband out of town makes for absolutely no time to write! Better late than never I suppose…so here we go.**

It was much later that day that Derek was finally able to steal a quiet moment away in his office. He had dropped the boys off and was immediately rushed into an emergency craniotomy which had taken longer than he would have liked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the now wrinkled note. He read the words he had read over and over again since that morning, and a plan began to formulate in his head. He pulled out his phone and found Mark's number.

"What?" Mark said skipping over a greeting, obviously still hung-over.

"I need your help," Derek replied.

"You need my help?" Mark scoffed.

"I'm going to ask Meredith to go on a date with me and I need you and Lexie to watch the boys," Derek explained a slight pleading in his voice.

"It's about time man. I was really starting to worry that you weren't ever going to pull your head out of your ass. Of course we'll watch the boys, when do you need us?" Mark replied caustically.

"Tomorrow night," Derek answered quickly.

"I'm off tomorrow so just bring them by whenever," Mark told him, "ughh…I'm going back to bed."

"Okay man," Derek laughed as he hung up the phone.

For the next hour, Derek hid out in his office planning what he hoped was a relationship saving date. When he finally emerged, he immediately began to search for Meredith. After checking the OR board and finding her name absent, he moved to the pit. She was nowhere to be found in the pit or in any of the OR observation decks. The catwalk was empty as was the cafeteria, and it was too early in the day for her to be camped out in an on-call room. After checking the resident's lounge he began to think she had left for the day. As he walked dejectedly down the hallway, he caught a whiff of lavender and immediately turned toward it. It was so obvious he could have kicked himself for not realizing it earlier if he hadn't been so happy to find her. She was standing in front of their elevator talking to Alex. He stood back a little watching as she moved her arms animatedly, seemingly arguing with Alex about something. When the elevator doors opened, they moved forward to board and he quickly followed. He turned to face the door, praying that Alex would leave quickly. When the doors opened again on the next floor, Alex began to move towards the door, along with Meredith. Derek gently grabbed her wrist and planted what he hoped was a pleading look on his face. She looked at him and back at Alex who glared at Derek.

"It's okay, I'll find you in a minute," she said to Alex before stepping back on the elevator and listening to the doors swoosh closed.

She waited for the elevator to begin moving and then stepped over to the stop button quickly pushing it.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," he mimicked, his face breaking out in a smile.

"What are you so happy about?" she asked, her eyebrows drooping in a questioning look.

"You're going on a date with me," he replied, deciding to bypass asking her.

"Oh, I am," she scoffed.

"Yes, you're off tomorrow night, I already checked. I got a babysitter. So you have no reason to say no," he explained with a smirk.

"Someone's sure of himself. How do you know I even want to go on a date with you?" Meredith giggled.

"You can't quit me, remember," he said before adding, "I'll pick you up at 7."

He moved forward releasing the stop button and waiting as the elevator approached the surgical floor. When the doors opened, he lightly squeezed her arm which he still grasped in his hand and left the elevator.

The next 28 hours passed slowly for Derek. After dropping the boys off at daycare the next morning, he was called to the pit for consult after consult. At 4 o'clock, he was once again paged down to the pit.

"Shepherd," Owen called as soon as he had made it through the door.

"What do we have?" he asked after he had rushed over.

"Sixteen year-old. He was playing rugby and was crushed at the bottom of a dog pile. There is neck trauma, but I'm not sure to what extent. He wiggled his toes when he came in, but now he says he can't feel his legs," Owen answered when he had pulled him away from the frightened teenager.

Derek moved over to the bed and began an examination. He pulled out his pin light and checked the boy's pupils before shoving two fingers into each of the boys fists.

"Alright, I need you to squeeze my fingers," Derek said calmly.

He waited for some pressure, any pressure, but none came. He plastered a smile on his face and quietly placed a hand on his leg, squeezing lightly to see if he could solicit a reaction from the boy. After none came, he moved away from the bed.

"I need an MRI and don't let him know he might be paralyzed," Derek said to Lexie who stood beside Owen.

Lexie ran off and Derek turned to Owen.

"He is completely paralyzed. No sensory or motor function. Looks like an injury at C4," Derek sighed.

"He's too young for something like this," Owen replied, glancing over to the bed.

"Yeah," Derek said before walking in the direction of Radiology.

As he looked at the MRI images, he was stunned. There was no visible reason for the paralysis.

"Whoa, there's nothing there," Lexie said as she looked over Derek's shoulder.

"No, there isn't," Derek agreed.

"But what caused the paralysis if there's no damage?" Lexie asked, looking at Derek with a confused look on her face.

"More than likely shock," Derek answered, then added, "we'll monitor him and look for improvement over the next few hours, if it doesn't get better we might have do so explorative spinal surgery."

"But...Dr. Shepherd, don't you have somewhere to be?" Lexie said cautiously, not entirely sure who all knew about the date.

"Damn...I was supposed to be gone an hour ago...uh...who's on call tonight?" Derek asked, a plan seeming to form in his head.

"I am. Why?" Lexie asked, her face showing her confusion.

"Perfect, you already know the case. You have my number?" he started.

Lexie simply nodded.

"Okay...good...sensory and motor tests every hour, text me with the results. If you think I need to come back I want you to go ahead and page me. Mer will understand," Derek explained.

"Okay," Lexie replied, understanding that paging him was a last resort showing in her eyes. "

Derek was glad he had brought a change of clothes to work with him. It was already 5:30 and he knew that trying to go home and get ready was impossible. He showered in the private shower in his office and dressed quickly in a grey and white stripped oxford shirt and dark jeans. He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up into the perfect McDreamy style and squirted on some cologne. Grabbing his sport coat and slinging his bag over his shoulder, he made his way to the daycare to grab the boys. Driving to Mark and Lexie's apartment, Derek was becoming increasingly nervous.

He pulled up outside and let the boys out before walking up to the building and making his way to the apartment.

Mark opened the door with Kennedy in his arms and a smirk on his face.

"Geez Shep, you clean up nice," Mark greeted with a chuckle.

"I try," Derek replied with a smirk, then turned to the boys, "have fun with Uncle Mark and Kennedy." He leaned down to hug each of them in turn before continuing, "be good, I'll be by to pick you up later."

Mark simply nodded, ushering the boys into the apartment and shutting the door.

Derek went back to the car and made his way to Meredith's house, willing his nerves to subside the whole way there.

**So obviously the next chapter will be the date, hopefully it will be posted early. As far as after the next chapter, my plan is to skip ahead to the trial. Reviews are always appreciated!**


	11. Chapter 11

So like I said my husband was out of town for a week (he had to go back to England because of a family thing). Then this weekend he and my brother-in-law decided to take the boys and my nephew fishing down at my dad's, so all I did was write all weekend. I have 3 chapters pretty much finished. That being said I didn't get a lot of reviews for the last chapter so I'm going to be stingy with the next 2. I need more reviews please. :D

Derek pulled up in front of the house he and Meredith had shared for so many years. He sat in the car letting it idle as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. His knuckles shone white and he breathing became heavy, as he tried to calm the butterflies that seemed to have settled in his stomach. He looked at the house and saw the slight ripple of a curtain and the silhouette of someone just beyond. Knowing he had been seen, he shut off the engine and stumbled out. The walk to the door seemed abnormally long and upon reaching it he knocked hesitantly. The door swung open almost immediately to reveal an angry looking Alex.

"Uhh...hey...I'm here to pick up Meredith," Derek greeted.

"Huh," Alex grunted without moving from the doorway and making no effort to get Meredith.

"Look I know you probably aren't on board with this, but can you get her?" Derek pleaded.

Just then Meredith appeared, saving Derek from Alex's piercing glare.

"Hey. You didn't really tell me where we are going. Is this alright?" Meredith asked while motioning to her clothing.

She wore a pair of tight fitting jeans and a nice top with flats. Derek looked at her and his breath caught in his throat.

"P...Per...fect" he managed to croak out as his eyes roamed her frame.

"I'll be back. Don't wait up!" Meredith said, turning her attention to Alex.

Alex simply turned and slammed the door behind him as he reentered the house. Meredith began to walk to the car and Derek followed. When they were inside, Meredith immediately began with the questions.

"So...where are we going?" Meredith asked trying to hide the excitement in her voice.

"It's a surprise," Derek said simply, all the while trying in vain to keep his eyes on the road.

When they arrived at their destination, Meredith was confused.

"We're on a ferry," Meredith said confused.

"Yes, we are," Derek replied without giving anything away.

They drove off the ferry and made their way to the land. He stopped in front of the house and turned the car off.

"Derek...our first date after a separation is at your house?" Meredith questioned.

"Just come on," Derek said moving to open her door and helping her out.

He gently laced his fingers with hers as he walked around the side of the house. They came to the back patio and she gasped. On the large patio, a single table sat glittering in the glow of a bunch of strings of lights. Derek pulled Meredith's chair out, motioning to take a seat, before speaking.

"I figured we needed to talk and a loud restaurant didn't seem to be a good place to do that," Derek explained.

He disappeared into the house and reemerged a few minutes later with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He set the glasses on the table and began poured wine in each one.

"Food is almost done," Derek said as he sat down.

"Alright. When did you have time to do all this? Didn't you work all day?" Meredith asked taking a sip of her wine.

"Mark set this up," Derek replied motioning to the patio, "and Arizona started dinner."

"Looks like you thought of everything," Meredith said with a smile.

"I wanted tonight to be perfect. You deserve a perfect night after what I've put you through," Derek replied, his eyes lingering on hers.

Several hours and a bottle of wine later, Derek and Meredith had finished eating and sat in comfortable silence at the table.

"So earlier...you said we needed to talk," Meredith finally broke the silence.

"Yeah. Err...at least I need to ask you something," he said nervously.

"Okay," she prompted, her eyes locking on his.

"After the other night, all I have been able to do is think about it. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I need you here. I was thinking maybe you could move in. It would be like a clean slate. New house...new me," Derek stated.

He watched as Meredith's face showed one emotion after another. The silence was deafening, so he spoke again.

"Mer, I know it's fast, but I feel like I need to fix this before I get into this Ainsley stuff. I won't be able to fight for her like I need to if this piece of my heart is missing. I want you by my side," Derek explained his voice taking on a pleading tone.

"Okay," she said almost too softly to hear.

"Okay?" he exclaimed.

"Okay," she said again, louder.

Derek was up from the chair and by hers in mere seconds. He pulled her up and pulled her into a tight embrace, placing a chaste kiss to the top of her head. She leaned back looking up at him and he kissed her once again. His lips pressed against hers, the emotional strain of their separation suddenly melting away. They moved up to the bedroom, finally christening their new bed. Afterwards Meredith fell asleep, so content to be in bed with Derek again. Derek waited for her sleep to deepen before he quietly slipped from the bed. He pulled his jeans back on and grabbed a t-shirt from the closet before pulling on some tennis shoes. He made his way quietly down the stairs and grabbed his keys, making his way out to the car. While he sat on the ferry, he checked his phone and found a series of text messages from Lexie. He smiled when he noticed they had stopped two hours ago after the teenager had regained function. When he pulled up to Mark and Lexie's apartment building a few minutes later, he found himself unable to wipe the grin off his face.

"You got lucky?" Mark deadpanned when he opened the door to a smiling Derek.

Derek had the decency to blush and clear his throat, but remained otherwise silent. Mark led him into the apartment and motioned to Jake who was sleeping on the couch.

"Hi daddy," Chris greeted enthusiastically when he saw Derek.

"Hey buddy, are you ready to go?" Derek asked starting to grab the boy's stuff.

He moved to the couch carefully pulling Jake up and situating him in his arms before moving toward the door. Christopher and Mark followed him to the door where he stopped and looked at Mark.

"Thanks. You have no idea how much I appreciate this," Derek said.

"Happy to do it man. It was good to get some testosterone in the apartment,"

Mark replied reaching out to pat the shoulder that wasn't being used as pillow by Jake.

"Alright, let's go home," Derek said, directing Christopher towards the waiting car.

Christopher fell asleep on the way home which forced Derek to lug both boys into the house. After placing the boys in their beds, he once again entered the room that he could now officially call "theirs" and crawled in the bed, pulling Meredith into his arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**This is probably not realistic, but it's a fictional story so I took artistic liberty with it. There was another chapter between 11 and this one, but I decided to omit it because it was mostly just filler. The only thing in there that was interesting was Renee's interaction with Derek's lawyer. She was a bitch to him. There see you didn't miss much.**

Derek lay in bed awake staring at the ceiling. He glanced over at the clock on the bed side table and sighed. It was 3 am and he was wide awake. He shifted in the bed, careful not to wake Meredith who was using him as a pillow, and closed his eyes hoping the change in position would allow him to sleep. His mind continued to move 100 mph and so he carefully unwrapped Meredith from around him and got out of the bed. He made his way into his office and pulled out the packet of papers he had gotten from the lawyer, John Hayes. A sheet of questions, that he would likely be asked, was printed on the first page and he read them just like he had countless times in the past days. He knew them by heart: 1. Why did you make no effort to contact the minor child for the first 5 years of life?, 2. What is your motive for custody now?, 3. Is it true that you ordered a DNA test of the minor child without the consent of the parent?, 4. Did you and your wife recently go through a period of separation?, 5. Why do you feel you would be a better guardian for the minor child? John had said the list was by no means extensive and he wasn't even sure if the other counsel knew of the separation, but he should be prepared for anything. The next page of the packet was being called by John their "ace in the hole." It was a copy of Ainsley's birth certificate which stated that Derek was the father. John said this proved without a doubt that Renee had knowingly kept Ainsley a secret from him. Copies of various character witness letters from Alex, Christina, Callie, and Richard came next. A page which listed Derek and Meredith's living family members followed. He still wasn't sure why that was needed, but John had said they were covering all bases and it would show there was a supportive extended family unit. The final page was the most precious to Derek, a signed statement from Meredith stating she accepted the responsibility of helping raise Derek's child. His eyes scanned down the page, coming to rest on Meredith's familiar scrawl. He stared at the signature contemplating how Meredith's life was changing because of this.

"Can't sleep?" he heard softly from the doorway.

He looked up, seeing Meredith leaning against the doorframe looking sleepy.

"No. I didn't wake you...did I?" he asked his eyes showing his worry. She moved forward, coming around the desk to sit on the top, in front of him.

"No, you not being there did though," she replied then added, "are you nervous or excited?"

"Both. I'm nervous about the trial and actually meeting her, but I'm excited because this might be the end of this whole thing," he answered shooting her a slight smile.

"Well, it's 5:30, I think we can justify getting up and getting ready since today's so important," Meredith smirked back.

She grabbed his hand, leading him up the stairs to their bedroom.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Derek sat in one of the hard plastic chairs outside the courtroom, pulling at his tie. Meredith sat on one side of him, one hand grasping his knee and the other absent-mindedly drumming on the arm of the chair. John sat on the other side, a folder open on his lap as he shuffled through papers. Just when Derek thought his nerves couldn't take anymore waiting, the door opened.

"Shepherd v. Martin," was called loudly into the waiting area.

They filed into the court room and moved to their respective side before sitting.

"My understanding is that this case will decide custody of minor child, Ainsley Rae Martin," the judge said matter-of-factly.

"Yes your honor," John answered quickly.

"Present your case," the judge directed at John.

"Your honor, my client would like to be granted full custody of his daughter on the grounds that he can provide a more stable environment for her," John stated cooly.

"What reasons make your client feel his home would be more stable?" the judge asked, his eyes scanning Derek.

John pulled a small stack of papers from the folder and moved forward handing them to the judge.

"In the papers I just handed you, your honor, you can see that the child has been enrolled in 8 schools since starting school last fall. Of those schools, 6 of them report a pattern of truancy," John said before grabbingmore papers from the folder. "Those papers show that Ms. Martin has moved 10 times in the past 8 months, my client on the other hand owns a large chunk of land on which he built a house. We feel the permanency of his situation is obvious," John explained.

"What is the reasoning behind the moves?" the judge directed at the other side.

"Ms. Martin had to move in order to follow jobs," the lawyer replied.

"Is there anything else?" the judge directed at John.

"We would like it noted that Ms. Martin checked the child out of Seattle Grace Hospital Against Medical Advice," John replied pulling out yet another piece of paper, this time a copy of the AMA forms from the hospital.

"And what do you have?" the judge directed at Renee's lawyer.

"Your honor, we just want what is best for the child. She has never met Dr. Shepherd and because of that, suddenly moving to live with him will be a traumatic experience," the other lawyer answered.

"May I interrupt?" John called loudly.

"Proceed," the judge replied.

"Dr. Shepherd was not informed that he had a child. I have a birth certificate which shows that Ms. Martin knowingly kept this information from him," John replied, holding up a copy of the birth certificate.

Derek glanced over at Renee. Her mouth was set in a tight line, but her hands were clasping and unclasping nervously.

"Dr. Shepherd," the judge called, snapping Derek's gaze away from Renee.

"Yes sir," Derek replied, his voice sounding scratchy and unused.

"Why do you feel that living with you would be beneficial for Ainsley?" the judge asked.

"I have a stable home and a stable job. I have a loving family in my wife and two boys," he paused to motion to Meredith who sat behind him, "and we have a supportive unit behind us in our family and close friends," Derek said sincerely.

"Ms. Martin has run before when my client initially found out about Ainsley and wished to make contact. He is simply trying to provide her with stability and insure that she can't take her away again," John added.

"Is there anything else?" the judge directed at Renee's lawyer.

"Uhhh...yes," the lawyer seemed to fumble for a minute, searching for something in his papers. He finally seemed to come across something he could use and spoke again. "We would like it noted that a DNA test was given to the MINOR child without the consent of the parent while under care at Dr. Shepherd's hospital and under his orders."

"My client is named on the birth certificate. So the test was ordered by a consenting parent," John said quickly, not even asking if he could interrupt.

"This session will go into recess while I review the case," the judge said before getting up and retiring to his chambers. They filed out of the court room. Derek walked over to Meredith, pulling her into his arms.

"I think it went well," Meredith mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah, I think it did," Derek agreed.

Screaming came from the other side of the room and Derek immediately looked over.

"You did nothing. They made me look like a bad mother and you just sat there,"

Renee yelled at her lawyer.

As the lawyer tried to calm Renee down, Derek buried his face in Meredith's hair.

"I want it to be this way," Derek sighed.

"I know, maybe Renee will eventually see that you just want the best for Ainsley," Meredith tried to comfort him.

They waited for what seemed like forever. Finally the door opened and they were called back in again. As soon as they were seated, the judge began to speak.

"After reviewing the case, it is my decision that temporary full custody be granted to Dr. Shepherd. A social worker will visit monthly to check on Ainsley and the case will be revisited in 6 months. As for you Ms. Martin, I would suggest you find a job and settle down if you wish to regain custody," he said.

Derek stood and grasped John's hand.

"Thank you for giving me my daughter," Derek said excitedly.

"Glad to do it," John replied.

Derek then turned to Meredith.

"Are you happy?" Meredith asked with a grin.

"I am," he smirked back.

**Just because they have Ainsley now doesn't mean the drama is over in this story just yet. Reviews make me update faster…hint hint.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry about the wait. I was dealing with life and before I knew it my planned update date was long past and I was still not finished with the chapter. To make up for the tardiness, I have made this one slightly longer. Enjoy!**

The judge wanted to make the transition as painless as possible for Ainsley. He allowed two weeks before Ainsley was to transfer to Derek's guardianship with meetings with Derek and the family periodically over the two weeks. Just two days after they won custody, Derek was to meet the little girl. That morning, he woke up and instinctively pulled Meredith toward him.

"Good morning," he mumbled into her hair.

"Good morning," she replied sleepily.

They lay there for only a moment before the sound of a door opening followed by fast footsteps, sounded from down the hall.

"Uggh," Derek groaned, "does he have radar telling him we're up?"

The door opened just as Meredith let out a tiny giggle. Christopher climbed onto the bed and forced Derek to scoot over so that he could sit between them.

"Daddy, do you see Ainsley today?" he asked sweetly.

"Yeah," Derek replied, a soft smile breaking on his face.

"What are you gonna do?" Christopher asked, he eyebrows dropping in question.

"I'm taking her swimming at Uncle Mark's pool," Derek answered.

Christopher became silent, seemingly deep in thought.

"Will you show us a picture of her when you come back?" Christopher said suddenly.

"Tell you what, I'll take a picture with my phone and send it to mommy so you can see what we're doing," Derek said, smiling at Chris.

"Okay," Christopher replied, his face looking slightly less worried.

"Why don't you go get dressed and we'll go to the park," Meredith said, trying to get a little alone time to talk to Derek.

Christopher left the room quickly. Meredith looked at Derek for a moment before speaking.

"Are you nervous?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Derek answered quickly, his hand moving up to run through his hair.

"It'll be okay," Meredith said with a smirk.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Derek sat on the couch in Mark and Lexie's apartment. Mark was at work and Lexie and Kennedy had gone to the park with Meredith and the boys. The social worker had said that a more neutral location would be the most comfortable place for the first meeting to take place. Derek had suggested the pool at Mark's because it was usually empty and the social worker said Ainsley liked to swim. When the doorbell rang, Derek took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. He opened the door and had to hold back a gasp. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. She wore a pink bathing suit cover with yellow flowers at the bottom. Her dark hair hung in braids on either side of her face and her blue eyes sparkled despite the fear she hid within them. Christopher and Jacob had pieces of him. Christopher had his hair. Jacob had his mouth. They both had his eyes, but Ainsley was all Derek. She had his hair, his eyes, his mouth, and his nose.

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd, my name is Anna Clemmons and this is Ainsley," the social worker who stood behind Ainsley greeted.

"Hello," Derek replied before bending down to Ainsley's level. "Hi, Princess," he said warmly to the little girl.

She looked at him with weary eyes saying nothing as she studied him.

"Well if you want to go down to the pool, I'm going to wait in the lobby if you need me," the social worker broke the silence.

"How about it Ainsley? Do you want to go swimming?" he asked standing up and holding his hand out to her hesitantly.

She looked at his hand for a moment before nodding and taking it in her own tiny one. The social worker gave him a knowing look before making her way down the hallway. Derek grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door closed behind them before leading Ainsley the opposite direction toward the pool. When they made it to the indoor pool, Ainsley released his hand and walked to the edge peering into the water. Derek watched her momentarily and then decided to break the tension. He pulled his shirt over his head quickly before running and jumping into the water. Once again her blue eyes sparkled as she watching him with interest. He reemerged from the water and shook his head, before pushing his hair out of his face. Ainsley moved toward the chair he had thrown his shirt on. She pulled off her cover up revealing a pink polka dot swimsuit. Moving to the edge of the pool she sat down and dipped her legs in the water. He watched her as she looked at him curiously. Finally she spoke.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing to the scar on his chest.

He looked down at it. It was easy to forget it was there, a straight line down his sternum. Christopher and Jacob never asked what it was, it was just something on daddy's chest. A slightly raised pinkish white scar that reminded him just how close death was.

"A long time ago, a bad man came to the hospital where I work. He had a gun and he shot a bunch of people. I was one of the people who got shot, and I had to have surgery because my heart was broken. This is the scar that was left after the surgery," he explained in what he hoped was child friendly way.

"Oh, that's scary," she said thoughtfully.

Derek nodded before asking her, "are you going to come in the water?"

He watched as she scooted off the edge, holding onto the side as she tested the depth of the water.

"Do you know how to swim?" he asked her, noticing how her hands gripped the edge tightly.

"Mommy usually puts floaties on my arms," she admitted shyly.

"Oh, I didn't know. Umm...how about I hold you up?" he asked once again holding his hand out to her.

She tentatively released the ledge and grasped his hands, kicking her feet as he pulled her close to him.

They swam for an hour and a half before Ainsley seemed to tire and asked to get out. He obliged grabbing one of the towels he had brought and wrapping it around his waist and handing the other one to her. She sat at one of the tables beside the pool and he walked over to the vending machines, buying himself a bottle of water and a bottle of juice for her. He sat across from her and took a long sip of water.

"So, do you have anything you want to ask me?" he questioned.

"What am I supposed to call you?" she asked quickly, as if it was a question that had been weighing on her mind for awhile.

"You can call me whatever you want to call me," he replied, his lips turning up into a smirk.

"Can I call you Derek?" she asked quietly.

"Yes you can," he said reassuringly.

He knew it would take time to build a relationship, and he was ready to wait.

"Anything else?" he asked again.

"Mommy said I have a brother," she stated, not directly asking, but obviously fishing for information.

"You do, two of them actually. Do you want to see a picture?" he replied.

She nodded silently and Derek picked his phone up off the table. He scrolled through the various pictures until he found one with both boys in it. He handed the phone to Ainsley and leaned forward so that he could see it too.

"This one," he pointed to Chris, "is Christopher, he's 4. This one," he pointed to Jacob, is Jacob, he's 2."

"Oh," she said simply.

They talked for awhile, Ainsley asking Derek various questions about Meredith and the boys and Derek asking her about herself. He was amazed at the insight that the little girl showed. He was smirking at her latest question when the social worker walked through the doors.

"Alright, it's time to go Ainsley," she said sweetly.

"Uh...before you leave do you mind taking a picture of us? I promised my son," he asked the social worker.

"Sure," she replied.

He handed her his phone and bent down to pick up Ainsley. He expected some resistance to the gesture, but was surprised when she simply accepted it.

"Say cheese," Ms. Clemmons said brightly.

Derek smiled and he was once again surprised when Ainsley planted a matching grin on her face.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Meanwhile, Meredith heard the tone signaling her phone had received a message.

She dug into the diaper bag that sat on the bench beside her moving around toys, snacks, diapers, and extra clothes. She opened the message and couldn't help but smile. Derek stood there bare-chested and with his hair a mess, obviously a result of it air drying. He held Ainsley in his arms and her arms rested on his shoulder. The both wore identical signature McDreamy grins and looked to be having a good time.

"What?" Lexie asked from her place beside Meredith as she passed snacks to the kids.

"Hold on and I'll show you," Meredith replied before calling Christopher over to her. "That is your big sister Ainsley," Meredith explained as she pointed to the little girl.

Christopher studied the picture for a minute before growing bored and turning back to his snack. Meredith passed the phone to Lexie who looked at it curiously.

"She looks exactly like him," Lexie noted.

"I know. It's right," Meredith agreed.

Later that night, the family reunited for dinner, before the boys were put to bed.

"So, are you going to tell me how it went?" Meredith asked with a knowing smile.

"She's so beautiful," Derek said excitedly, "and she's smart."

"So you just swam?" she prompted.

"We swam for awhile and we talked. She asked about my scar," he replied.

"What did you tell her?" she asked, curiously as they hadn't talked about what they would tell the boys when they asked.

"I told her the truth. A bad man hurt me. I had to have surgery," Derek explained. "She calls me Derek," he added as an afterthought.

"It'll take time to build a relationship," Meredith reassured him.

"I know. She's just amazing. You know...I'm really lucky," he sighed.

Meredith simply smiled before they fell into a comfortable silence.

**That went well, don't you think? The Christopher thing was mostly to show that Derek was still trying, so if it seemed out of context…it served a purpose in my head.**

**Coming up next chapter…**

**Meredith and the boys finally meet Ainsley.**

**Ainsley is upset and Derek has no idea how to deal with girls.**

**And…Derek doesn't like Renee (but what's new).**

**Review please…it's an important part of the creative process.**


	14. Chapter 14

**So this chapter was plagued by a long line of ridiculousness! First, I was "blessed" with the flu for a few days which kept me sleeping instead of writing (or anything else for that matter). Then all of a sudden the stuff in Japan started which caused an insane amount of stress on my family because my brother, Aaron, was on a business trip there at the time. He came back last Thursday, but he wasn't able to call us for some reason so our only connection to him that showed he was alive was the Facebook updates he was able to do. The final plague of this chapter came in the form of a blue-eyed sandy headed monster who just wanted to talk to "Uncle Hobo" (I have no idea where the name from, but my brother thinks it's cute so it stuck). I was able to Skype with my brother on Saturday (because I just couldn't be okay with him in Japan unless I saw him safe with my own eyes). Jude wanted to talk to him too and somewhere in the process he managed to close Word, losing half my chapter. So now that my brother is back home, I've taken my entire prescription of Tamiflu, and I've rewritten this...the next chapter.**

Derek listened to the steady hum of the engine as they car crept along the highway. He leaned forward to turn the AC up as sweat began to seep into the collar of his cotton t-shirt. Derek groaned and the traffic continued to crawl forward at a snail's pace. He glanced in the mirror. Ainsley stared out the window. The booster seat she sat in seemed to swallow her petite frame. After 3 visits with Derek, the social worker had said that a beneficial part of

Ainsley's relationship building would be to stay with the family at the house. Derek had made special arrangements to take a weekend off just for the occasion, and had made his way just outside Seattle to pick up Ainsley.

"I really hope you like your room, Meredith and your Aunt Lexie worked really hard getting it ready before this weekend" Derek said, attempting to fill the quiet.

Ainsley simply continued to stare out the window silently.

"Ainsley?...Ainsley?" Derek tried turning around in his seat, now that the traffic was completely stopped.

She finally seemed to snap out of her daze. Her blue eyes met Derek's and he sighed seeing the worry within them.

"What's wrong Princess?" he asked softly.

"What…what if they don't like me?" she replied equally as quiet.

"Oh, Princess. There is no way that they won't like you," he said reassuringly, a slight smile curling his lips, "not only are they going to like you, but they will love you, just as much as I do."

Ainsley's head bent slightly, her finger's began to brush the fur of a stuffed dog in her lap. A dog Derek had presented her with on their second visit. He had explained that he had bought a stuffed animal for each of the boys the day they were born. Although he hadn't been there when she was born, he wanted her to have a stuffed animal that she could always know was from him. Several hours and a ferry ride later, they pulled up outside the house. It was just approaching 2 in the afternoon, so Derek knew they still had a few hours before Meredith got off and picked up the boys from daycare. He turned the car off and slid out of the seat. Moving to Ainsley's door, he opened it and helped her down before throwing her small duffle-bag of clothes over his shoulder. Derek grinned as he watched Ainsley stare awestruck at the house.

"It's big," she said, her head tilting back to look at the way up the facade.

"Yup, let's go inside and I'll give you the grand tour," he replied, bowing theatrically and holding out his hand.

She took it and followed him through the front door.

"Alright let's start upstairs so that we can drop off your stuff in your room," Derek said as he moved toward the stairs.

They moved down the hall coming to a stop at a door to the right. He placed his hand on the doorknob and looked pointedly at Ainsley. She gave a slight nod, as if to say she was ready, and he pushed the door open. Inside the room was a canopy bed, dresser, and desk, all in white. The walls were covered in alternating vertical stripes of lavender and purple, and the quilt on the bed was covered with butterflies. Derek moved into the room placing the bag on the bed. Ainsley followed looking around at the furniture.

"You said your favorite color was purple, so Meredith thought you would like it" Derek chatted absentmindedly.

Ainsley nodded silently, awestruck at the sight of the room.

They continued the tour, looking around every room in the house before finishing in the backyard. By this time, Ainsley had ended up hanging off Derek's back, her hands grasped around his neck and his clasped beneath her bottom. They had already seen the pool and the playground, and Derek had decided to walk down to the lake. He stood on the edge, with Ainsley on his back, and the wide expanse of water in front of him. Finally, Ainsley spoke again.

"It's nice here," she said quietly.

Derek caught up in the emotion of the day simply hummed in approval.

"Can we go back to the house now?" she asked, breaking Derek out of his trance.

"Yeah, it actually might be time for Mer and the boys to be getting here," Derek replied as he turned toward the house.

Once they had trekked back across the property and entered the house, Derek placed Ainsley back on her feet. Just as soon as her feet hit the ground, Derek heard a sound he knew all too well. It was the sound of tiny Converse hitting the ground at a run. Suddenly he was pummeled by Christopher who jumped into his arms and clung tightly.

"Daddy!" he squealed as he latched on.

"Hi,son. How was your day?" Derek asked, his face breaking into a huge grin.

"We went to the zoo! And I sawed a tiger!" Chris answered excitedly, bouncing uncontrollably on Derek's hip.

Derek leaned forward to plant a kiss to Jake's forehead and Meredith cheek when they entered more slowly behind Chris.

"How was your day?" he asked softly.

Meredith simply smiled and shook her head indicating that they would talk about it later. Derek gave her a knowing look and their eyes locked together for a moment and silence filled the room. Suddenly they were broken out if their trance by Christopher. He straightened his legs and let go of Derek in an obvious attempt to get down, so Derek released him. Christopher immediately walked behind Derek and looked at Ainsley thoughtfully.

"My name is Christopher Michael Shepherd. I'm your brother. I know what you name is. It's Ainsley," Christopher babbled to Ainsley.

Derek quickly knelt down next to Ainsley, pulling her gently into his arms.

"Well, I guess you already met Christopher. That's you other brother, Jake," he pointed to Jake, "and that's your step-mom Meredith," he pointed to Meredith.

"Hi," Ainsley said shyly.

Silence enveloped the room as no one moved. Derek knew it would be awkward, but he also knew he was willing to try and be the buffer between his family and his daughter.

"Alright, Christopher how about you go show Ainsley the playroom," Derek suggested excitedly.

Christopher simply moved forward, grabbing Ainsley's hand and pulling her with him. Jake pulled a similar move to Chris, indicating that he too wanted down, and then he followed them. Derek moved forward pulling Meredith into his arms. Meredith's head lay on his chest and she could feel the rapid thumping of his heart.

"Calm down," she whispered softly, "it went well. They'll play for a little while and you'll never know they were strangers until today."

Derek sighed and held her tight, his head resting on her shoulder.

"What went on today? You seemed uh...upset earlier," Derek stated.

"It was just a long day. I lost a patient. Alex was having relationship issues today, and Christina was being...well...Christina," Meredith explained quickly, "I promise we can talk about it later, but right now we have 3 little kids who I'm sure are starting to get hungry."

They worked in tandem preparing dinner, listening for any sounds of disrupt from the playroom. When the food was finally done, Derek walked silently to the playroom and leaned against the door. He watched the interaction for awhile, just so happy that his kids were getting along. Christopher and Ainsley sat on the floor with a box of Legos dumped between them. They were building something together, although he wasn't quite sure what. Jake lay on the carpet next to them pushing a toy car on some invisible track. He seemed content just to lay near his older brother and sister. He hated to break up the moment, watching his children bonding.

"Alright, dinnertime!" he said enthusiastically.

They ran to the table excitedly, the awkwardness of the first meeting seemingly forgotten in their child-like ability to accept. Dinner went by surprisingly well and afterwards the family went outside to enjoy the early summer weather. They came in later and did baths before sending the kids to their beds with promises to tuck them in.

"You start at that end, I'll start at that end," Derek said pointing down the hallway one direction and then the other.

Meredith simply nodded and headed toward Ainsley's door. Although their bond was not fully formed and probably wouldn't be for a long time, Derek and Meredith agreed that they wanted Ainsley to feel the same way the boys did. There wouldn't be any "this is my daughter, those are our sons" going on. Because of that, Meredith was going to do the same routine with Ainsley that she did with the boys. She walked into the room and found Ainsley already lying in the large bed, stroking the fur on her stuffed dog.

"Alright little girl, how do you like the covers? Really tight? Or do you like them loose?" Meredith asked her.

"Kinda tight," Ainsley answered.

Although she seemed to be more comfortable with Meredith, her voice was still slightly shy. Meredith moved forward to pull the covers up, tucking them around her as she went. She leaned down and placed a chaste kiss to her forehead, as her hand moved to smooth back her dark hair.

"Goodnight Ainsley," she said softly as she began to leave.

"Goodnight Meredith," Ainsley returned.

On her way down the hallway she bumped into Derek.

"Are you already done with the boys?" she asked a slight smile on her lips.

"Yeah. Apparently I don't tuck them in right. They wanted their momma," Derek said in complete disbelief.

Meredith smiled, but said nothing as she moved down the hallway towards Christopher's bedroom. Derek entered Ainsley's room, walking in and stopping at her bed. He crouched down so he was at eye level with her before speaking.

"Hey Princess," he said, leaning forward to plant a kiss to her forehead.

"Hi," she said with a yawn.

"Are you tired, baby girl?" he asked with a smirk. Ainsley simply nodded, continuing to stare at him.

"Well, we have a big day tomorrow. There are some people who want to meet you coming over. People who are very special to us," he explained.

"I think I like it here," she said, her eyes almost closed in her exhaustion.

He leaned forward to kiss her cheek before saying, "I'm glad," before walking out of the room and flipping the light off.

**I know I'm moving fast and skipping ahead with these fluffy chapters, but I promise there is a method to my madness. I promised more drama and I will deliver it soon. On a completely unrelated matter, I know Ainsley isn't putting up much resistance to the changes in her life, but I'm kind banking on her never having a steady situation to begin with/ children's resilience to justify my actions. Review and there might be a surprise…let's just say that the next two chapters are near completion and I have Friday off work. Hint, hint, hint.**


	15. Chapter 15

**I loved the number of emails in my inbox for that last chapter! Somebody sent me a message asking where the boy's names came from so I figured I would just tell everyone. Christopher is obviously Derek's middle name and Michael is Karev's middle name. For some reason I thought I had heard in some episode that Mark's middle name was Jacob, since then I have not been able to find it, but it was already done, so that is where it came from. Tyler is just a name, no significance within the show. Now for chapter 15.**

The next morning, Derek crept out of bed. He pulled on a pair of running shorts and an old t-shirt, before quietly slipping down the stairs and out the back door. He walked toward the far edge of the yard opposite the lake, where he had found a path one day while exploring the property. The path was mostly flat and ran through the woods for about 2 miles before coming out next to the lake. He had started running when he had first moved out to Seattle in order to ward of the demons of his life in Manhattan, but had stopped after he had officially moved in with Meredith. He had again discovered the escape in the midst of his separation from Meredith and ever since then it had returned with fervor. As he made his way along the path, he tried to clear his mind, but the day ahead of him kept creeping into his thoughts. It was going to be a long day. He and Meredith had planned a family get together of sorts. A gathering of their rag-tag group of friends and family disguised as the first big cookout of summer, but really just an excuse to meet Ainsley. Mark and Lexie were coming over early to help set up, but he still felt like there was an endless list of things to do. However even more worrying than that were the thoughts that he was going about this all wrong. Maybe everybody at once would overwhelm Ainsley. He came to the end of the path and emerged on the side of the lake. Dropping into the grass, he rested his forearms across his knees and breathed heavily in and out. He watched the ripples in the water, sighing as they danced and swayed. The slight breeze from across the water sent a chill up his spin as it his sweat covered face. Finally catching his breath, he stood up and made his way back to the house. Surprisingly, the house was still silent so he made his way upstairs determined to take a shower before the chaos started. When he walked into the bedroom, he found Meredith sitting up in the bed phone in hand. He walked to the bed and leaned down, planting a kiss to her lips.

"Ew…you're sweaty," she said, not looking up from the phone.

Derek moved away from the bed and began to undress, a smile on his face.

"Who are you texting?" he asked, noting Meredith's fingers moving furiously across the keyboard of the phone.

"Lexie, she and Kennedy are coming over in about an hour and Mark is going to be here a little after that," she explained, "she's just checking to make sure we don't need her to bring anything."

"I'm gonna jump in the shower really fast," he said before disappearing behind the bathroom door.

Just as Meredith heard the shower turn on, she heard a knock on the door. She crawled out of bed and made her way to the door before opening it. Ainsely stood on the other side, already dressed in a pair of blue jean shorts and a t-shirt.

"Hey, I didn't know you were up," Meredith commented taking in the sight of the little girl.

"Hi…umm…is my dad awake?" Ainsley asked shyly.

"Yeah, but he's taking a shower. Is there something I can help you with?" Meredith asked.

"I was gonna make some cereal, but I couldn't find a bowl," Ainsely replied slightly reluctantly.

"Oh, sweetie we would have made you breakfast," Meredith sighed, her mommy abandonment issues putting her on high alert.

"It's okay. My mommy says I'm a big girl and I should be able to take care of myself," Ainsley said pointedly.

Meredith was taken off-gaurd. It was so similar to something she had heard countless times as a child. Her mom would always say, "I shouldn't have to baby you anymore. You're a big girl figure it out yourself."

"When your day gets out of the shower I bet he's going to make breakfast, but how about you help me go get the boys up?" Meredith asked.

"Alright," she replied.

By the time Derek emerged, all 3 kids were dressed and ready for breakfast.

"Daddy it's Saturday," Christopher shouted excitedly as soon as Derek came into the kitchen.

"I guess it is, do you want to tell Ainsley what we eat for breakfast on Saturdays?" Derek asked moving toward the kitchen to start pulling out the stuff for breakfast.

"Daddy makes chocolate chip pancakes on Saturday, but were not s'pose to eat them any other day because Daddy says they is actually candy," Christopher explained, obviously proud of himself for being entrusted with such an important job. His voice then dropped to a whisper; at least what a child thinks is a whisper but really can be heard by anyone within a mile, "Uncle Mark says that's a stupid rule though. He makes us chocolate chip pancakes when we stay at his 'partment."

"Christopher don't say stupid," Derek ordered as a smile pulled at his lips.

Christopher's eyes went wide realizing that Derek had heard what he said, and

Meredith had to swallow a giggle. Jake broke the moment by shouting "'ancakes" at the top his lungs. Suddenly it dawned on Derek, this was it. This is what he had wanted, Him and Meredith, Ainsley Christopher, Jacob all together under one roof. It was just a regular Saturday morning at home. These "normal" family moments seemed to be few and far between in their lives, but when everything came together like it had, it was perfect.

"Hello?" a voice echoed from the entryway.

"Hey Lex, we're in the kitchen," Meredith called.

They heard footsteps moving toward them and Lexie appeared with Kennedy on her hip. She placed the little blond haired grey eyed toddler on the floor and joined the rest of the kids at the table.

"Ooh, I forgot it was Pancake Day! I love Derek's pancakes!" Lexie squealed when she noticed Derek stirring the batter.

Ainsley studied the newcomers wearily. Derek saw her watching them and caught Meredith's eyes. Through a series of silent communication, Derek managed to get across the point "my hands are covered in pancake batter and Ainsley would like to know who they are. Can you maybe go through the introductions?" Meredith quickly moved toward Ainsley resting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"That's my sister, your Aunt Lexie, and that is her daughter Kennedy," Meredith explained.

"Hi," Lexie said warmly.

Ainsley gave a slight smile before returning her gaze to Derek who was just beginning to pour the batter on the griddle."

Later, after breakfast had been cleaned up, Derek took all the children outside to the playground. Mark was the next to show up, followed by Alex, Owen, and Callie. All had been introduced to Ainsley and the day seemed to be going well. Derek, Mark, and Owen split off, walking down to the edge of the water to leave the rest of the cook-out behind. Each of the men nursed a bottle of beer as they stared out over the water.

"It's so crazy man," Mark finally said, "she looks exactly like you."

"Yeah," Derek smiled as he took a drag of his beer.

"She seems great," Owen agreed.

"It's crazy, but even though I just met her, I can't imagine life without her," Derek mused.

The men grew silent once again.

**So more fluff, but I'm coming back with a bang next chapter, so be ready for some excitement. As always reviews are appreciated.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Since the reviews were awesome and Mondays suck, I decided a super insanely quick update was in order. I was on the fence about this idea. I had originally known exactly what I wanted to happen in this story, but then I was second guessing myself and so I was going back and forth. I finally settled on this. I got inspired to be really descriptive and emotional in this chapter, so I really hope you all like it.**

He felt the cool leather against his face. He heard the gentle whoosh of air that accompanied every move he made. His eyes blinked open and he struggled to focus them in the deep darkness around him. He never had gotten used to working the graveyard shift, since the boys were born. Sleeping on his office couch, away from home always left him cranky and disoriented. He scrubbed his hand down his face roughly and launched himself upright. A loud beeping cut through the fog, and he remembered why he had woken in the first place. He leaned over, slapping absentmindedly at the floor until his hand connected with the pager and he picked it up. Squinting at the lighted display, he groaned. He had assumed the ER number would be flashing on the small screen, but he was met with Mark's number instead. He stood from the couch, his joints popping and creaking as he forced them into motion. Making his way to his desk, he picked up the phone, pinching it between his ear and his shoulder before dialing the familiar number.

"Hey," Mark said after the second ring, his tone seemed somber.

"Hey," Derek replied, he voice still thick with sleep.

"You need to come down to the ER right now," Mark said, his voice taking on a sense of urgency.

"They need me for a consult?" Derek asked through a yawn.

"Uh...no...look man I can't tell you this on the phone," Mark sighed.

The hair on Derek's neck stood on end. His breathing became shallow and he felt sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. A thousand different scenarios began playing through his head.

"Is it Mer? The boys?" Derek asked desperately.

"Derek...just come to the ER. I can't do this over the phone," Mark replied vaguely and then he was gone with the click of the phone.

Derek breathing hitched in his chest. Thoughts flew through his head in rapid secession. _It couldn't be the boys or Meredith. He had just talked to her before he fell asleep. She said they were going to bed, but it wouldn't be the first time Chris refused to go to sleep. There had been times before when Meredith had come to the hospital with a baby on each hip, trying desperately not to break down. They'd claimed an on-call room as their own and laid the boys down between them. They were squeezed onto the small bed with barely enough room to sleep on their sides, but still it had happened before._ He shook the thoughts away he clamored for the door, making his way to the ER quickly. He passed various people on the way down; they all had the same look on their faces as they watched him rush by. A look of pity. A look that did not make him feel any better. He burst through the ER doors and found Mark standing at the nurse's station. His eyes looked glassy, like they were full of unshed tears. He gulped as he moved towards him. The air felt thick and heavy and it smelled like death and disinfectant. There was always part of him that hated the ER. Too many people died in the ER. Sure it was probably the same if not less than the number that died in the OR, but in the ER the deaths tended to be gruesome and unnerving. His Meredith had almost died in this ER. He reached Mark and cleared his throat, finding himself suddenly unable to form words. Mark looked at him for a minute. Derek could see the gears in his head turning, he was thinking of how he was going to say what he needed to say. So Derek stood there, breathing in the stinking air and staring at Mark, waiting. Finally Mark breathed, like he had figured out this great puzzle and was ready to explain it.

"You can't freak out," he started.

And suddenly Derek was on high alert. The stinking air was choking him and he was gagging on the disinfectant and the death.

"There was an accident," he continued.

He could taste blood. Was it his? He was biting his lip hard. He ran his tongue across it and he felt not smooth skin, but a ragged piece of torn flesh.

"Renee and Ainsley were hit by a drunk driver. The police who rode in said it looked like Renee was leaving with Ainsley, the car was full of clothes and stuff," Mark explained.

Derek hadn't heard anything after Ainsley. His eyes went wide and his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. Everything around him was happening in slow motion. Avery ran by with a gurney. Tyler answered a phone, but it was as if time had slowed. And then it was dark.

"Derek? Derek?" he heard someone yelling through the thick fog.

His head hurt. There was a dull throbbing pain in the back of his head. He opened his eyes and was blinded by light. Mark's face moved to cover the light above and he blinked away the bright dots that remained in his vision.

"Dude, I told you not to freak out," Mark said as he leaned over him.

He suddenly remembered. Ainsley, the accident, it all flooded back into his memory. He catapulted himself upright and off the bed, but Mark's hands pushed him back down onto the gurney roughly.

"No. I told you not to freak out and you went and fainted. You're going to stay here until I tell you to move," Mark ordered, as he pulled out a pin light.

"Now, are you dizzy?" he said as he checked Derek's pupils.

"Where's Ainsley?" Derek asked, he voice full of fear.

"Callie's putting her arm in a cast. Do you feel nauseous?" Mark continued the examination.

"Her arm is broken? Is that it? What else?" Derek questioned urgently.

"Some bumps and bruises, but she's okay. Your pulse is still elevated. Derek, you need to calm down. I don't need you to have a heart attack on top of everything else," Mark chastised as he dropped Derek's arm back by his side.

"I need to see her," Derek said feebly.

"Derek, I need to tell you something and I need you to calm down so I can do that," Mark said, grabbing Derek's face in his hands and pulling his gaze even with his.

Derek took a deep breath. Blood. He took another. Disinfectant. He took another. Death.

"Are you calm?" Mark asked.

Derek pulled Mark's hands away from his face and nodded.

"Okay, Renee is in the OR right now. They're working on her, but the damage is...well...it doesn't look good," Mark explained.

Derek sat very still. His hand reached forward grasping Mark's shoulder and he eased himself off the gurney.

"Take me to Ainsley," he stated.

His tone left no room for argument, so Mark simply nodded. Derek followed Mark down the hall. He came to a stop at a bed and looked around confused.

"They must have taken her up to Peds already," Mark concluded.

Derek stared at the empty bed. It had already been stripped and re-made.

"How long was I out?" Derek asked suddenly realizing that he should have been with his daughter instead of blacked-out on the floor.

He silently scolded himself for his moment of weakness, but Mark interrupted his inner turmoil.

"Come on let's go find her," he said quietly. Once again Derek followed Mark. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't have the necessary brain function to be able to find his way around the hospital. He still felt the steady throb of the headache as it spread out from this place where his head had hit the floor. He felt like he was moving through fog. Everything seemed far away and faded. Everything except Mark that is. He had managed to position himself just inside the fog and Derek clung to his solidness. He allowed him to guide him around the hospital. Mark made his way quickly to the Peds unit and immediately rushed to the nurse's station. The conversation Mark was having barely registered with

Derek, but he found himself being dragged down a long hallway. Mark pulled him into a room after him and Derek was finally able to see Ainsley was okay with his own two eyes. The lighting in the room was dim, but not so dark that he couldn't make out her features. Her eyes were closed dark lashes dusting each cheek. Her arm lay at her side, enclosed in a hot pink cast. There was a dark bruise on her cheek and on what he could see of her collarbone. He could make out a gash along her eyebrow; it was crisscrossed with neat stitches, obviously Mark's work.

"You worked on her?" Derek asked less because he wanted an answer and more because the silence was becoming deafening.

"Uh, yeah, she's too pretty to have an ugly scar," he said simply, "she's my niece. There was no way any of those invalids were getting near her face."

Once again silence engulfed the room. Derek sat down in the chair beside the bed. He reached out to gently stroke her hair. He planted a soft kiss to her forehead and wrapped her uninjured hand in his.

"I'm going to go get an update on Renee; do you want me to call anybody? Let Mer know?" Mark asked gently.

Tears were beginning to well in Derek's eyes. He gasped loudly trying to swallow the emotion he was feeling.

"Yeah, call Mer, but tell her not to wake the boys. They can visit in the morning. And call Ma, she needs to hear it first hand, I don't want the hospital grapevine finding its way to one of my sisters," Derek replied, his voice sounding watery and uneven.

"Alright," Mark agreed before he ducked out the door.

He made his way a few steps down the hall and pulled out his cellphone. He scrolled through the contacts finally coming to a stop at Meredith's name. The phone rang again and again. He listened to the shrill sound, trying to calm his nerves. Not only had he seen his niece with blood seeping down her tiny face and her arm twisted, but he had seen his best friend, his brother, collapse in front of him. Finally the sound of Meredith's sleep laced voice greeted him with a "hello."

"Hey. It's Mark," he replied quickly,

"Okay? Why are you calling me at..." there was a pause as she looked at the clock, "2 am?"

"There was an accident. Ainsley and Renee were in the car and someone hit them. Ainsley's okay now, just some bumps and bruises and a broken arm, but Renee might not make it," Mark explained quickly.

"Oh, I'll be up there as soon as I can get the boys ready," Meredith gasped.

He could hear her stumbling out of the bed. The sound of her feet slapping the floor and the bed creaking sounded through the phone.

"No. Derek said there isn't any reason to wake the boys. She's okay now so just wait until the morning. He wants you here, it just doesn't need to disrupt the boys," Mark said firmly, knowing that Meredith Grey wasn't one to take orders.

"Okay...but I'm coming up there first thing," she agreed, "thanks for telling me."

"No problem," Mark said sincerely and then she was gone.

The next call would be tougher. Meredith thought rationally, like a doctor. Mrs. Shepherd however thought like a grandmother, a grandmother who had already seen too much hurt in her life. Between her husband's death, her son's motorcycle accident and then her son being shot, her youngest daughter's drug addiction; it was all too much for one person. He hit the speed dial button that would call her and waited for the familiar greeting he had heard countless times.

"Well hello long lost son! I had begun to think you had forgotten about the woman who raised you! How is my baby girl doing?" he heard her cheerful voice.

"Hey Ma, Kennedy's fine," Mark answered quickly. He had to force the words out of his mouth, they stuck like taffy sticks to teeth, but he finally managed to croak, "Ma, there's been an accident."

Carolyn was silent. There wasn't a gasp or a sigh or even a breath. She simply waited for him to explain, to tell her which one of her children or grandchildren was hurt or, although she hated to even think it, dead.

"Ainsley and her mother were hit in their car. She broke her arm, split her head open. She's fine now, but Derek wanted you to hear it from one of us, not from a stranger," Mark explained, and then it was his turn to remain silent.

He felt the tears come out of nowhere. They traced a path down each cheek stopping to hang from his chin before they finally fell, dotting his navy scrubs with black circles. He sniffed, feeling like a small child again, crying on his mother's shoulder.

"Marcus? What aren't you telling me?" she asked seeming to forget the accident momentarily to take care of the son sobbing into the phone at her ear.

"She had a gash on her eyebrow when she came in. Her face...it was covered in blood. And I...I identified her. I told the police who she was and then I cleaned her face and stitched her cut. I worked on her," Mark cried, the stress of it all causing a floodgate to open.

She comforted him the best she could over the phone. She spoke softly and lovingly into the receiver. Finally Mark calmed down, giving one more sniff before wiping his face.

"Okay. My mind's made up. I'll be on the first flight out there," Carolyn said suddenly.

"Wait. What?" Mark asked quickly.

"Don't argue! You are having a breakdown! My granddaughter is injured! My other son is god knows how distraught! And on top of that I have 4 grandchildren on the other coast I haven't seen in several months! I will be there as soon as I can. I love you. Goodbye," she yelled.

The clicking sound that followed let Mark know that there was no room for argument. He leaned against the wall trying to wrap his head around the conversation he had just had. He had been broken down crying like a baby one minute, and yelled at like a small child the next. He finally managed to wrap his head around it and sighed knowing he had one more call to make. He called the intern he had sent after Renee, telling him to sit in the gallery and answer his damn phone if he called. It rang only once before a timid voice greeted from the other end.

"What going on with Renee? How is she doing?" he asked quickly, he foot tapping the floor to the quickened pace of his heart.

"Uh...she coded. They've been trying to revive her for nearly 40 minutes," the intern replied.

"Nothing's working," Mark asked in disbelief.

As much as he despised Renee for what she had done to Derek, she was still his niece's mom. She was still someone important to someone that was important to him. He heard a gasp and the muffled groan of the other people in the gallery through the phone.

"What just happened?" Mark asked fiercely.

The line was silent. Not a peep registered from the other end.

"Damn it! Tell me what just happened or so help me god you won't see that OR again until your dead!" he yelled.

"She's...she's dead...they just...Uh...called T.O.D." the intern finally choked out.

Mark hung up the phone without as much as a goodbye. He was going to have to tell Derek that his daughter's mother was dead. And Derek was going to have to tell Ainsley. His niece. His niece he had only met one time before, but she was tiny and fragile like glass. It might break her. For the third time that day Mark was truly scared.

**Well that was super long. I had to end it. It was getting ridiculous, but I hope you liked the vulnerability of Mark. He tends to be portrayed as a jerk and a whore, but I kept thinking there has to be something redeeming in him. He himself said that Mrs. Shepherd had taught him right from wrong, and I just don't see Derek being his friend without there being some good in him.**

**Next Chapter...**

**1. Derek tells Ainsley about her mother.**

**2. Ainsley and Meredith bond.**

**And...**

**3. A field trip with Nonna Shepherd. That should be fun.**


	17. Chapter 17

**I've been busy writing so here is yet another update. This story had almost come to a close now that Ainsley is stuck with the Shepherds so there should only be 3 or 4 chapters left. Enjoy!**

Mark groaned as he pushed himself off the wall. The gentle squeak of his shoes on the floor sounded loudly in the deserted hallway as he made his way back to Ainsley's room. Derek had not moved from his position beside her. His eyes were fixed on her. They followed the up and down movement of her chest as if he was holding onto that as proof she was okay.

"So, how is she?" Derek asked when he finally noticed Mark leaning against the doorway.

Mark simply allowed his head to droop forward and shook it sadly.

"Is she gone?" Derek finally questioned, after the enormity of Mark's gesture hit him.

Once again Mark nodded. Silence fell over the room. The only sound was Ainsley's even breathing and the muffled sound of a nurse on the phone down the hall, as Derek stared at Mark. Suddenly Mark's pager went off. He looked at Derek one last time before taking off to find out where he was needed. Ainsley began to stir and Derek watched as her tiny body writhed on the bed. Her eyes opened and after taking a moment to focus, they found Derek.

"Daddy?" her tiny voice croaked, and it was like a knife to his heart.

He knew he was about to tell her something no kid should ever hear. If he could have kept her from ever knowing that pain, he would have done anything, but he knew it was impossible.

"Where's my mom?" she asked tentatively.

Derek pulled himself out of the chair and moved forward, crawling into the bed beside Ainsley. He wrapped his much larger body around her smaller one and pulled her into him, all the while weary of her injuries.

"Oh Princess. Your mommy had to go away. She was hurt very badly and she was just in too much pain. She went to sleep, but it's not like a normal sleep. She isn't ever going to wake up," Derek tried to explain.

"She died?" Ainsley asked, her face showing how worried she was.

Derek was speechless. He hadn't expected that. He had hoped that Ainsley hadn't been exposed to that particular fact of life, but apparently she had. Ainsley took Derek's silence for "yes" and tears began to well in her eyes. Derek simply held her, allowing her to cry into his chest until they both fell asleep. The next morning, Derek awoke to the sound of someone entering the room. His head popped up and his eyes moved to the door searching out the intruder. Standing just inside the door, staring back at him was his mother.

"Ma?" he whispered, attempting to assure himself she was actually there.

He slid from the bed and moved quickly to her allowing her to gather him into her arms. She simply held him for a moment before holding him back in front of her.

"I'm so glad you're here," he said quietly.

"It's not just me. You've got several people down the hall who are hoping to see you," she replied.

He glanced back at Ainsley, noting that she was still in a deep sleep. He wiped the unshed tears that had formed once again, from his eyes and nodded silently. He followed his mother out of the room and down the hall to a waiting room where everybody with a connection to their family seemed to have gathered. In one corner of the room, Mark sat with Kennedy in his lap and Lexie leaning against his shoulder. Mark looked exhausted, like he hadn't had any sleep at all. Owen sat near them with his head in his hands. He looked like he felt guilty about something. Christina was sitting next to him fast asleep, indifferent to the turmoil her husband seemed to be going through. Meredith and Alex sat on the floor attempting to keep Jake and Chris occupied with a table full of toys. Callie was scribbling furiously in a chart, but she glanced at Mer and the boys every few minutes as if she was worried they would fall apart. Even Richard was hovering just outside the group, as if he knew he needed to be there but wasn't sure just how exactly he fit in. Derek entered and there was an immediate shift in the tension in the room. It was as if somehow seeing Derek awake and not crying in a corner somewhere assured everyone that everything was okay. They looked at him expectantly, like he held all the answers and he knew what they wanted to hear.

"She's still sleeping, but she's doing better than expected. I told her last night," he paused waiting to see if they understood what he had told her about, "she was…uh...upset but she understands what happened."

The group fell collectively silent, all processing what he had said. Just then one of the Peds nurses walked in and addressed Derek.

"Dr. Shepherd, Ainsley's awake," she said motioning towards the door.

"Let me go talk to her. See if she's up for visitors," he said to the group before disappearing toward her room.

She was sitting up. Her blue eyes still looked slightly sleepy and in the brighter light he could see the full extent of her injuries. The small bruise he had seen last night seemed to have grown and now enveloped a large part of the left half of her face. There were some cuts and scrapes along the arm that wasn't in a cast, and the bruise on her collar bone actually extended over her shoulder, no doubt from the seat belt.

"Hey," Derek greeted, trying to instill some cheeriness into his voice.

"Hi," she said softly.

He moved forward, grabbing her hand and placing a kiss to her knuckles.

"Do you remember what I told you last night?" he tried, hoping he wouldn't have to rip out her heart again.

"Yes," she replied pointedly.

"Are you okay?" he asked, trying to get something out of her.

"Is Meredith here?" she asked suddenly, without answering him.

"Uh...yeah...she's down the hall," he replied, surprised at the question.

"Can you go get her? I want to talk to Meredith," she replied, as if there wasn't anything abnormal about her asking for Meredith.

"Yeah, let me go get her," he said leaning down to press one more kiss to her head.

Seconds later, Meredith entered the room. She moved toward the bed and sat down in the chair next to it.

"Are you okay? Does anything hurt?" Meredith asked quickly as she assessed the severity of Ainsley's injuries.

"No, I'm okay. Can I ask you something?" she said quietly, like she wasn't sure.

"Of course," Meredith answered leaning forward to grasp Ainsley's hand.

"Daddy said that your mom died," Ainsley began.

Meredith nodded encouragingly, thinking she had some idea of where the questioning was going.

"Is it okay to not be sad?" Ainsley asked, her face showing extreme worry.

Meredith was taken aback. That was definitely not the direction she had been expecting.

"Um...yeah...I guess it is. I wasn't really sad," Meredith began before adding, "But why aren't you sad?"

"She was doing something bad. She didn't like that I liked being with daddy, so she said we were going away so he couldn't take me from her. I didn't want to go though. I told her I wanted to stay with you," Ainsley explained.

Meredith simply listened; knowing there had to be something else.

"Mommy wasn't very nice to me. I don't think she actually ever wanted me,"

Ainsley finished.

There wasn't a sound in the room. What did that mean? Renee was mean to her. Did she hit her? Or was it just emotional? Meredith couldn't think of what to do next, so she simply gathered Ainsley into her arms and pulled her into her lap.

"I want you to know something," Meredith whispered, "no matter what; no matter if we are getting on to you or tucking you into bed or whatever else, your daddy and I want you. And it's okay to not be sad. Everyone feels differently."

Then suddenly Meredith remembered something.

"Actually, when my friend George died we laughed at his funeral," Meredith recalled.

Ainsley looked at Meredith quizzically for a moment, but seemed to take comfort in her words.

"There are a lot of people here hoping to see you. Are you up for some visitors?" Meredith asked.

Ainsley nodded, so Meredith stood up. Placing Ainsley back in the bed, she disappeared down the hall. It was only a minute before the sounds of people rushing down the hall entered the room. Derek entered first with Jake in his arms and Chris trailing behind him.

"They're coming in a few at a time rather than everyone at once, so hopefully it's not too overwhelming," he greeted with a smirk.

Christopher jumped on the bed immediately and Derek grabbed for his arm to pull him back off.

"You can't do that Chris. Ainsley has boo-boos," Derek said sternly.

"It's okay," Ainsley cut him off.

"What's that?" Chris asked pointing to her cast.

"It's a cask," Ainsley replied.

"Cast," Derek corrected automatically.

"Yeah. I broke my arm," Ainsley explained holding up her bright pink cast.

"Jake do you want to say 'hi' to your sister?" Derek asked.

"Hi," he said loudly.

"Alright let's let someone else have a turn," Derek said before he pulled Chris off the bed and moved towards the door.

Everybody came in a few at a time to see her. Mark brought her a stuffed bear with a matching pink cast and Alex drew a few pictures on her cast, but the mostly just gave her hugs and said they were glad she was okay. After everyone had a turn, Nonna Shepherd began to enter.

"Let me go in and introduce you Ma," Derek said as he moved toward the door.

"I am perfectly capable of introducing myself," she scoffed before leaning forward to whisper, "besides your friend over there looks like he may need someone to talk to."

Derek glanced where she motioned and saw Owen leaning against a wall still looking distraught. He watched his mom enter the room and grabbed Mark and Owen before telling Meredith they'd be back. They made their way to his office trying to remain out of sight so they wouldn't be called for help on a case, not that anyone would knowing the situation. Derek opened the door and the filed in Mark plopping onto the couch, Owen taking a seat in the chair in front of the desk, and Derek sitting on the desk.

"So, why did you just pull us down here?" Mark asked as he grabbed the little foam basketball and tossed it toward the hoop.

Derek chuckled as it hit the rim and bounced across the floor coming to a stop under the chair. He bent over to grab the ball and nodded toward Owen who sat silently with a frown on his face.

"Owen, why do you look like you just ran over Kennedy's new kitten?" Mark questioned loudly.

"It's…nothing," Owen sighed leaning his head back against the back of the chair.

"Come on. I know something's wrong. I just left my daughter who was in a car accident last night to try to figure out what's going on. You are not going to pull a Meredith and tell me you're fine," Derek scolded before throwing the basketball and watching as it swished through the net.

"If I had of been there last night maybe Renee would still be alive," he finally replied after a few minutes of silence, "I switched with Lymon last night because Christina had something planned. I should have been there."

"This isn't your fault. She was really bad off when she came in. I saw her man. She was lucky she didn't die on the way into the hospital," Mark assured him.

Owen didn't respond, so Mark picked up the ball that had rolled toward the couch and threw it at him.

"Besides there was no way all three of us should have been here last night. What was the chief thinking when he scheduled all of us to pull a graveyard?" Mark scoffed.

Derek let out a laugh at Mark's ability to completely shift the conversation. Owen finally gave a tiny smile at Mark's antics and the men stayed in the office for a moment longer before heading back towards the Peds unit.

**So I lied. The field trip with Nonna Shepherd has been switched to next chapter because this one went long. Please review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I don't really like this chapter. I started out with an idea of how I wanted to do the Nonna Shepherd stuff, but then I just kind of got bored with it. Hope it will hold you over until the next update at least.**

Derek's head lay back against the seat. The gentle sway of the ferry as it moved across the water was threatening to lull him to sleep, but the constant chatter of the children in the back was keeping him awake. His mother was turned around in the seat listening intently to some story Ainsley and Chris were taking turns telling her. Ainsley had been released that same afternoon, so Derek, his mother, and the boys had elected to head home leaving Meredith at the hospital for her shift.

"Derek? Derek?" he heard before he snapped out of his snooze.

"Wha?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Are you alright? You look exhausted," his mother said as her hand reached to push a stray curl off his forehead.

"It's just been a long day," he replied sitting up further in the seat.

"Oh, well I was just telling you that I already told Mark I would be picking up Kennedy tomorrow morning and taking all the children to the park. I hope that is alright," she repeated.

"I don't know. I mean Ainsley just got out of the hospital," he started.

"Stop!" she cut him off.

She glanced back at Ainsley and saw that she and Christopher seemed to be in a very deep discussion before turning back to Derek and lowering her voice.

"She's not nearly as fragile as you think she is. She's already been through more than any little girl her age should go through, but children are resilient. You should know that by now," she said softly.

Derek sighed.

"Now, as I said I will be taking all the children to the park tomorrow. Mark told me that you all have to work tomorrow anyway, so I thought I would spend some time with my grandchildren," she said leaving no room for discussion.

Derek shook his head at the fact that he was a grown man and still couldn't stand up to his mother. Just then the ferry came to a stop, signaling that they had reached the land. By the time they pulled up to the house, Derek was barely keeping his eyes open.

"Go ahead and go to bed. I can mind the children for a little while so that you can lie down," Derek's mother ordered.

Derek was pulled from sleep several hours later by someone shaking him gently. Meredith sat on the edge of the bed looking down at him.

"Hey," he sighed sleepily.

"Hey," she replied, "your mom made dinner. The kids are already in bed I was just checking to see if you wanted to eat something."

"Honestly, I'd rather you just come to bed," he said starring at her in the darkened room.

"I'm right there with you," she smiled as she began to get ready for bed.

The next morning Derek and Meredith got ready for work as they always did. When they stumbled down the stair to grab some coffee from the kitchen, they found all three kids at the table eating a large breakfast. Carolyn had apparently been very busy that morning. She handed them each a travel cup of coffee and shooed them out the door before turning back to the kids.

"We have to hurry up. Uncle Mark has to be at work soon and he needs us to pick up Kennedy before he goes," Nonna hurried them. After breakfast, everyone loaded into the car and made their way to Mark and Lexie's apartment. Mark stood outside with Kennedy on his hip. When the car came to a he walked over and opened the back door. He put her car seat in quickly and placed her in it before kissing her cheek. Kissing his hand he placed on each of the other children's foreheads in turn then addressed them.

"Be good for Nonna, all of you," he said sternly.

"They'll be good," Carolyn scoffed.

"Bye, Ma. I'll see you tonight," he said with a laugh before slamming the door and heading to his car.

"Alright let's go to the park," Carolyn said as she put the car in drive and headed off to the park.

It was one of those rare days in Seattle when the sun shone despite the clouds. They pulled into the parking lot of the playground where the children regularly played and were pleasantly surprised that it wasn't crowded. Carolyn helped the children from the car and watched as they ran to the playground excitedly. She followed, finding a spot on a bench and watching as the children interacted with each other and the other children. One of the mothers sat next to her and attempted to start up a conversation.

"It's amazing how they are able to form such quick friendships," the mother said with a smile.

"The eyes of children are not as full of judgment," Carolyn remarked, "I'm Carolyn Shepherd."

"Marsha White," the mother returned, "Are they all your grandchildren."  
"A small sampling of them," Carolyn answered, "in total I have 11 granddaughters and 7 grandsons."  
"Wow big family. How many children do you have?" Marsha questioned.

"4 daughters, 2 sons. My sons live in Seattle, 3 of my daughters live in Manhattan, and the other one lives in LA. I came out here for a visit," Carolyn explained.

"Oh, I better go," Marsha suddenly exclaimed as she saw her daughter fall from the jungle gym.

Carolyn resumed her careful watch of the children. Ainsley suddenly approached tentatively. Carolyn simply patted the seat beside her waiting as Ainsley climbed onto the bench.

"Can I ask you something?" Ainsley asked after sitting quietly for a moment.

"Of course dear, anything you want," Carolyn replied.

"Daddy told me that when he and my mommy made me, that he was sad, but he wouldn't tell me why he was sad. Do you know?" Ainsley questioned a slight worry in her voice.

"Your daddy had broken heart," Carolyn began.

"Does that hurt?" Ainsley asked innocently.

"Not like a broken arm, but yes it can hurt very badly. Your daddy was married before he met Meredith. Her name was Addison and she did something that wasn't very nice," Carolyn continued.

"What did she do?" Ainsley questioned.

"That's not something I can tell you right now, but it really hurt him," Carolyn explained, "and that is why he was sad."

"I'm glad he got better," Ainsley finally said after a minute of silence.

"I am too," Carolyn assured her.

A while later Carolyn realized it was getting late, so she decided that it was time to go. She gathered up the kids and headed back to the house. When

**We're going to address the Ainsley school issue next chapter. I have decided that this story will wrap up in two chapters more chapter, that being said I have a couple of question for you lovely readers. Do you want a sequel? And…what would you want to see in a hypothetical sequel? Any and all thoughts are welcome and will be carefully considered.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Let's be honest that update yesterday was suckish, so I really wanted to update again quickly. My mother decided to kidnap my kids and take them to the aquarium or something and I had the day off so I wrote this chapter today. I like it so much better than the last one. Enjoy.**

Meredith, Ainsley, and Derek sat awkwardly in a swanky looking waiting area. Derek ran his hand over the arm of the chair absentmindedly as Meredith checked her watch yet again. It was already ten minutes past the time of their scheduled appointment and Jacob and Christopher had been left in Christina's care, so she was getting antsy. Ainsley sat in Derek's lap, her eyes glued on her hands in her lap. Finally, a gray-haired woman with a kind smile walked out of a door on their left.

"Dr. Shepherd, he's ready for you," she said smiling at them.

Derek set Ainsley on the floor and grabbed Meredith's hand before walking through the door from where the woman had just emerged. Inside the room, a very strange looking man sat behind a desk. His tie and suit jacket were flung on a hook to the left and he had rolled the sleeves of his white dress shirt up. He wore suspenders and when he stood up to shake his hand, Derek noted that his build was similar to Mark's.

"Hello, I'm Louis Fitzgerald the principle of Seattle Preparatory School," the man greeted.

"I'm Derek Shepherd and this is my wife Meredith and our daughter Ainsley,"

Derek returned as he shook his hand.

"I've already read over Ainsley's file, so I'm familiar with her situation. I have set up a short evaluation with one of our teachers to get a better idea of where she's at," Mr. Fitzgerald explained before pushing the intercom button and calling someone in the room. "This is Mrs. Reese, Ainsley. She is going to take you in the other room and play some games with you. Is that alright?"

Ainsley slowly nodded before sliding down from the chair where she sat and following the teacher out of the room. Once she was gone, Derek spoke.

"So this is going to figure out how much she was able to learn during all the moving around?" Derek asked.

"Essentially. We're just trying to see how behind she is however the real problem is the truancy. I can really only see two options," Mr. Fitzgerald explained.

"What are they? We'll do whatever we need to do," Meredith finally spoke.

"Either she can repeat the year or we can enroll her in the modified home school program that is affiliated with the school. Basically you, or a tutor if that is what you decide, will be responsible for helping her complete course work. Then once a week, one of our teachers will meet with you to assess her comprehension.

If you completely the course this summer Ainsley should be able to attend school with her age group in the fall," he presented the options.

"We'll definitely be doing the home schooling option," Meredith answered quickly, "I've already found a tutor that we were going to set her up with to catch her up anyway."

Derek looked at her in disbelief. He had no idea Meredith had already put so much thought into the education situation. Of course he had been so preoccupied with making sure Ainsley was okay after her mother's death he had been blind to anything but his family.

"I thought that would be the case. I took the liberty of gathering the necessary forms so that you could just go ahead and fill them out," Mr. Fitzgerald said as he pulled a stack of papers out of the drawer in his desk. By the time Derek finished filling out the paperwork, Mrs. Reese had entered the room and handed a sheet of paper to Mr. Fitzgerald before exiting. Derek handed over the forms and they were placed back in the drawer.

"Alright. Mrs. Reese gave me the evaluation results and they look very good. It seems see recognizes all the shapes and colors. She can name all the letters and numbers too. The only thing she lags behind in is sight-word comprehension and reading," he explained.

"So she can't catch up," Derek said, relief flooding his voice.

"Mrs. Reese wrote that she seems to be very bright and willing to learn," he replied reading a note off the bottom of the page.

After hearing the good news and saying goodbye, they gathered up Ainsley and headed toward Christina and Owen's house. They pulled up outside the renovated fire station and got out of the car before entering without knocking. Christina sat on the couch with Christopher and Jacob on the floor in front of her. They were completely engulfed in some children's show on television and she was practicing stitches on a banana.

"You do realize that having a suture kit out when there are children in the apartment is frowned upon," Meredith smirked pulling Christina out of her concentration.

"They know the rules. Christopher tell mommy and daddy what the rules are," Christina shrugged in response.

"If Uncle Owen didn't say we can touch it, don't touch it. Don't touch anything that belongs to her," he pointed at Christina, "the fire pole can kill us so don't touch. Don't touch anything sharp or hot. Watching TV and coloring are the only activities allowed," he listed robotically as if he had heard the words again and again.

Meredith giggled and Derek looked at Christina in slight disbelief.

"Worst babysitter ever," he mumbled under his breath before turning to the boys, "alright guys, come on let's go."

They headed to the house and spent the rest of the day together as a family. After the kids were in bed, Derek got a chance to spend some much needed time together. She lay in his arms listening to the steady bump-bump from his heart through his bare-chest. He leaned his head down sleepily and kissed the top of her.

"I couldn't do any of this without you," he mumbled against the top of her head.

"Hmm," she responded sarcastically.

"No Mer, I'm serious. I would have no idea how raise them if you weren't here to help me. I need you," he said hugging her to him tighter.

"I'm a mother. It's my job to know how to do this. You on the other hand should probably get with the program because being a top-notch neurosurgeon is a lot less impressive than being a good father," she joked.

He laughed with her before scooting down further in the bed. He listened as her gentle breathing turned into soft snores and felt her body go lax before he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

**It's short, but I didn't think it needed to be any longer than it is. The next chapter will jump forward in time slightly and will be the last one. I'm still taking feedback on the hypothetical sequel and I am also developing an idea for a story involving Mark and a secret ex-wife. Intrigued? I'm trying to block it out and then start writing it so maybe sometime in the next two weeks I'll post the first chapter. As always review.**


	20. Chapter 20

**I apologize times a million. My husband's mother died so I was whisked away to England while he settled her estate and fought with his brother about burial arrangements. As sad as he was that his mother was gone, I think he was most upset that his childhood home was being sold. Obviously with all of that going on finishing the story was the last thing on my mind, but now I present to the readers the final chapter of Turn and Turn Again.**

"Thank you Mrs. Garrett," Ainsley called as she slid the door to the van shut.

She turned quickly, adjusting the pink plaid back pack on her tiny shoulders before taking the familiar steps into the building. Shooting one more glance over her shoulder at Mrs. Garrett, the car pool Nazi as Derek called her, she stepped through the door. She looked around the lobby seeing neither her father nor Meredith waiting for her. It wasn't something she had never seen before. Usually one or both were waiting for her to get there after school, but occasionally they were pulled away and couldn't meet her. When that happened either they sent one of their friends, or left a message with the front desk to send her to Derek's office. Seeing no one familiar, she walked to the desk and peered over the top at the receptionist.

"Hi. I'm Ainsley Shepherd, did my dad leave a message for me?" she asked the plump lady behind the desk.

"Oh, yes he did," she said reaching into a desk drawer.

She pulled out a piece of paper and a hospital badge, before handing them to

Ainsley, and moving on to the lady that had walked up behind her. Ainsley opened the note and read her father's messy scrawl.

_You left your badge in Meredith's office. Go to Uncle Mark's office, he would have met you, but he was meeting with the chief. If he isn't there, wait for him. I'll come get you after I'm done. Love, Dad_

She quickly clipped the badge to the strap on her back pack and began walking. The badge had been the chief's idea. Because she would regularly wander the hospital after school, he thought she should have a badge in order to maintain some sort of security. She made her way to the elevator and automatically pushed the button to her destination. With her parents in surgery, she basically had free reign. Her Uncle Mark would likely still be in the chief's office, so it wouldn't really matter if she made one pit stop. The doors slid open and she walked automatically to the door she wanted. She entered quietly, not sure if some of the kids were still napping. She went to the nearest grown up and addressed them.

"Hello. My name is Ainsley Shepherd. Mrs. Calloway usually let's me stop by to say hi to my brothers. There is a note in their file," Ainsley said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, alright let me check," the lady replied before moving to a filing cabinet against the wall, "you said your name was Ainsley Shepherd?"

"Yes ma'am. My brothers are Jake and Christopher," Ainsley supplied, trying to hurry the visit along.

"Okay," the woman announced pulling out a piece of paper, "To Whom it May Concern. On occasion Ainsley Shepherd will stop and see the boys around 4 p.m. I have approved this. Remind her that the boys must stay within the playroom and as per her father's request she may stay no longer than 10 minutes. Grace Calloway."

Ainsley nodded her head impatiently. She knew the rules. Derek had told her that, although he was glad she wished to spend time with her brothers, her presence disrupted the daycare's routine. Because of that, he had told informed the daycare to only allow her 10 minutes after school. The woman motioned toward the door, silently give her permission to enter and she walked through the door. She found Jake quickly and grabbed his hand as she looked around the room for Christopher. Finding him in a corner laying on his stomach and pushing a car across the carpet, she drug Jake behind her toward him.

"Ainsley!" he shrieked when she was almost to him.

"Hi Chris," she replied dropping onto the floor beside him.

Jake plopped down in her lap and Chris sat up onto his knees.

"What did you do today?" she asked Chris.

"We went to the park," he said excitedly, "I falled."He held his elbow up revealing a large band-aid. "But I didn't cry," he added.

"That's good," she said.

She glanced up at the clock. Although she was still struggling with reading the minute hand on the clock, she knew when ten minutes had passed. She sighed as she shifted Jake off her lap.

"I have to go now," she said as she stood up.

"Okay," Chris replied, his face falling slightly.

"I'll see you later," she added before making her way through the room and heading back into the hospital.

She made her way to Mark's office quickly and was greeted by the secretary.

"Hi hun. He's in there. Just knock and go on in," she said.

Ainsley knocked loudly before swinging the door open wide. Mark sat behind the desk with a look of shock on his face.

"Whoa. You scared me little girl," he gasped out before his face broke into a smile.

"Snack time!" she sing-songed with a grin on her face.

"Alright, alright. Pick your poison," he replied as he pulled a drawer open in his desk.

She glanced over the drawer full of junk her father would never approve of. That was the best part about hanging out with her uncle after school. The rules were few and were rarely enforced anyways. She grabbed a bar of chocolate and moved to sit on the couch pulling out her notebook.

"What homework do you have?" he asked.

"I got to read this book out loud 3 times," she mumbled with her mouth full.

She pulled out a copy of _Goodnight Moon, _and placed it open in her lap.

"Start reading," he ordered as he picked up the stack of papers he had been working on.

She swallowed roughly before beginning to read, her voice droning in the background as Mark worked. They had made it through the book twice before the door opened. Derek walked through the entryway, his scrub cap still on his head.

"Hey Princess," he said moving to sit on the couch beside her.

"Hi daddy," she replied watching him as he scrubbed his hands down his face.

She immediately began to pack her things back up while Derek chatted with Mark. When she was done, Derek slung the pink bag over his shoulder and ushered Ainsley out the door.

"I just have to stop by and talk to a patient's family and then I'm done for the day. We'll go pick up your brothers and go home," Derek explained as they made their way down the hall.

They navigated the halls quickly and found the waiting room they were looking for. Immediately a small group of people stood up, obviously the patient's family, and moved toward Derek. Ainsley stood next to him quietly.

"The surgery was a complete success. I was able to remove the tumor and now we will just need to watch him," he explained.

The family sighed with relief before turning their attention toward Ainsley. Derek caught their gaze and immediately jumped into an introduction.

"I'm sorry. This is my daughter Ainsley. I just picked her up, so she came with me," he said motioning toward her.

With that done, Derek and Ainsley made their way to the daycare. After picking up the boys, they made their way home to spend time together before bed time.

**Okay so basically just a bunch of fluff kind of showing a day in the life of the Shepherd's. I had this big epic ending planned originally, but then I just wanted to finish it so this is what you got. Thank you so much for all the reviews and for sticking with this story. As stated before I am in development of another story involving Mark. The summary will be something along the lines of: Derek and Mark kept a secret from their time in New York. What if one thing could explain everything that happened? One thing that would cause one man to betray his best friend and change the way he looked at love sounds way cheesier typed out than it did in my head. Oh well it's a work in progress. If that sounds intriguing, look for the as of yet untitled story within the next couple of weeks.**


	21. Chapter 21

Just a quick note to say the sequel is up. It's called The Kids are Alright and you should definitely check it out.


End file.
